Proving an Unfit Parent to the Courts

Posted: January 14, 2011 in Custody Advice
Tags: , ,

I have spent plenty of time bitching, ranting and raving about my husband’s ex-wife on this blog. As I was laying in bed the other night, it dawned on me how lucky I am. Not everyone has the resources I have available to me. Some people can’t just decide that they want something and then put the ball in motion to get it done. Some people have to fight long, hard battles to get their kids or step-kids out of the care of an unfit parent. How do these people do it? What would I have done had I not had the resources I have at my disposal? That is when I realized, there are some people out there who need help. Help getting their children and step-children out of abusive or harmful environments. I’m going to do what I can.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still going to use this blog to bitch and moan and vent about how much I hate my husband’s ex-wife and what she does to her kids. It’s a form of therapy, as I’ve said before. However, I am also going to do something constructive with it. I am going to provide caring parents and step-parents everywhere with some legal resources and advice. If you have been fighting with an ex or with a spouse’s ex and feel that your kids or step-kids are being subjected to neglect or abuse, I’m going to try to help you get those kids out of that situation.

First and foremost, you have to understand that you need proof. You can’t just go into a court of law and say “she did this” or “he does that”. You need cold, hard evidence. Pictures. Written statements. Objective proof that can’t be disputed in a court of law. How do you get it?

If you have the money, hire a private investigator. If you don’t have the money, do it yourself or have friends do it for you. Is this unfit parent leaving her children at all hours of the night to go out and party? Get photos of it and document each and every hour those kids are left alone. Does he or she come home stumbling drunk at midnight? Video tape it. A picture speaks a thousand words.

Don’t assume that the courts won’t care about certain behaviors. I used to think “So what, she drinks. The courts won’t care.” Wrong! The courts DO care. No, a judge isn’t going to care if someone has a beer or two on the weekends, but they sure as heck do care if a parent leaves the kids on a regular basis to go out to bars. These actions deprive the children of a parent’s care. Kids need attention. They need proper guidance and they need parental care. A lack of it is child endangerment.

Now, I’m not a lawyer. I have to say that straight out. But I have a lot of lawyer friends who have been “enlightening” me as to how some actions are indeed neglect, abuse and child endangerment and just how easy it can be to prove that a parent is an unfit parent with the right evidence. So here’s my advice to begin with:

1. Get a journal and document everything. EVERYTHING. It may seem small, but a dozen small things combined turn into something big.

2. Do some research. What type of people does this parent associate with? My grandmother used to tell me that you are judged by the company you keep. Turns out, grandma was right. If a parent is hanging out with drunks or druggies, it’s going to reflect poorly on that parent in the courts. Especially if the kids are exposed to these people.

3. Start making calls. If the parent does something wrong, report it to Social Services. I’m not saying you should call if mom was half an hour late making dinner, but if she says she’s going to be back at 10 and doesn’t come back at 12, call Social Services and tell them the kids are unattended or abandoned.

4. Get everything you can on everything and anyone having to do with the parent you are trying to prove is unfit. For example, the parents of my step-kids’ biological mother do drugs. The courts need to know this kind of information. You may not want to drag others into your custody battle, but you may have to.

5. See it for what it is. If an unfit parent refuses to see the error of their ways and doesn’t cooperate with a custody arrangement that is in the best interests of the kids, see the situation for what it is — war. You HAVE to go to war to protect those children. You are not being petty. You are not being vindictive. You are doing what you have to in order to keep those kids safe.

I’ll have more detailed tips for you as time goes on. For now, get that journal and start documenting and do your homework and get the evidence you need to prove your case. Everything else will fall into place.

Comments
  1. Matthew says:

    My wife has been abusing pain and anxiety medication ever since she had my daughter in 2007. There was no way to prove it till recently when she overtook her medicine and let our daughter roam around our community unattended , which brought CPS to the house to investigate. They concluded that my daughter can not be left with my wife unattended, and they recommend my daughter stay in my custody or supervision. Well ,with no support from my distant family and some from her family. I had to quit my night job to stay with my daughter. during the day shes at school and ive been looking for a day job. But im now financialy dependant upon my wifes family to pay the billls.

    I need advice please. what should i do. Should I take my daughter and go to a shelter or should i just stick it out while my wife is in treatment. She has been diagnosed as having a drug addiction. And the doctors hinted at mental illness.

    • princessjd says:

      Your situation is a difficult one. If your wife truly has a mental illness you may be able to obtain disability benefits for her and your child, but that process can take months to accomplish. Have you contacted the state human services agencies in your area? If you have no income, you may be able to qualify for financial assistance, food benefits and medical help. No one likes taking a handout, but it’s time to put pride aside and do what you can to help yourself and your child. It’s not a handout if you plan on making life better for yourself and your child in the future.

      As for your relationship, that’s a hard call. I had to walk from mine. There comes a point where you have to take care of yourself or you will die trying to save that other person. Trust me, I know, I’ve been there. If your wife wants to change, then yes, by all means, stick by here. If she does not want to change and doesn’t care about how her behaviors impact you and your children, then you need to pick up and move on. Again, I’m not a therapist. This is all based on my experiences.

      Think of it this way… If you spend all of your time trying to be there for your wife and devoting your time and life to her, who is taking care of you and your child? Somewhere, someone is suffering. I have a feeling it’s you.

      It’s never easy to let go of someone you love. Again, if your wife wants to change then stick it out. Just remember, there’s a big difference between a person saying they want to change and actually wanting to change. Lip service does nothing. Lies are ugly, but they are all too common. Take care of you and your daughter. The rest will fall into place. And please, contact the services in your area that could help financially. It’s not as socially stigmatic as some people think. Please let me know if I can answer any other questions for you.

    • DLee says:

      You may want to google some resources on single fathers which there are a few, including housing and other type of benefits for single fathers. I’m also a single father in the same situation, mother with mental illness… I’m sticking it out with you man.

  2. Worried Aunt!!! says:

    ok, here i go. my brother is incarcerated for trying to make quick cash. don’t get me wrong i’m not saying what he did was ok, and he knows it wasn’t, but his son is his world! Now me and his wife have been best friends for years! about 2 months ago she started partying alot with druggies and pole dancers. Well as tme has progressed she has started partying almost every night. Finding anyone to watch my nephew! She has been sexual with at least 7 men so far (all of which are druggies including 2 that have drug charges), my nephew has been around them all! She has been SHOT at by her “friends” boy toys, been aroun men fighting and wrecking cars in front of him! Now she quit her manager’s job to go try and be a stripper herself, and is living with a new man who jut got arrested for having pure herroin in his car! I only have some documented in text, and the other I have tried to get her to repeat it on text to me but she says she doesn’t want to discuss it! I am lost as to what to do! I don’t want my nephew to be taken by some stranger, or him be raised in that environment ( god only knows what she isn’t telling me), or my brother not have a fair shot at raising his son the right way! What do I do?????

    • princessjd says:

      Hi. Trust me, I feel your pain and how helpless you must feel right now. You have a long road ahead of you, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This is what you need to do:

      Document everything. And I mean everything. Even if you don’t have proof, document it. You also need to contact social services with all of the information you have. If they tell you that they don’t have enough information to bring a case against this woman, ask them what they will need in order to do it and work on getting them what they need. For example, you may need to find out where she is going to be when she drops the child off with someone who is unfit to watch him. If you can, find out where the child is. Get the information to social services and let them start an investigation or a case against her.

      It won’t be easy. Depending on which state you live in, social services can be slow to respond. You have to stay on top of it and make sure they are doing their jobs. Let me know how it goes and if you need any other help or advice.

  3. Shannan says:

    My son is 2, his father is around when it clicks in his head that he’s a father. Right now, he sees him only on wednesday, his choice. He constantly tells me he’ll take him this day or that day and I never recieve a call. Today I get him back and he’s starving, in the whole 9 hours he had my son, he ate cereal and a pp&j sandwich. My son normally eats eggs, fruit & yogurt for breakfast, a snack, lunch which is normally leftovers, naps for 3 hours then a snack and dinner is meat, veggies and some other side. He is a healthy eater, always has been. When I asked why he was so hungry, his father told me he wasnt going to force him to eat. He’s 2…. He cant tell you when hes full, he sees toys and says “done” but hes barely touched anything. He doesnt let him nap his full nap, ever. Some days I’ll get him back and he’ll tell me he only napped for 20 mins in the car. I told him today that he needs to feed him more and let him nap or Im not letting him over there because its neglect. He flipped out and told me hes going to take me to court. Im terrified of him doing so because they’ll give him overnight visitation if I cant prove him unfit. Ive had to bring him to the hospital because my ex put him on a trampolene with a 4 year old and it caused my son to have a sprained knee and leg, I found out through facebook that he was suppose to have him around paint and I think the only reason he didnt was because I found out first and flipped out. He comes home dirty and is driving him around with no license. He has him around a dog that is untrained and huge, this dog has already scratched him once and I asked to keep the dog away but he tells me theres nothing wrong with it. Him and his girlfriend live in a 1 bdrm apt so there’s no room for him to begin with and they always fight. He told me he’s got him sleeping in the living room in the pack & play. So that means the dog will be around him all night while my son will be in a cage so to speak with no adults… Please tell me I can fight for no overnight visitation with this…

    • princessjd says:

      Hi Shannan,

      I completely understand and sympathize with your frustration. It’s hard. There are about a million things that I don’t like about sending my kids to see my ex. Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn to compromise in some areas because the courts can be a pain in the ass.

      You’re probably not going to like what I have to tell you. The fact of the matter is, what you and I see as neglect the courts might not see as neglect. They will refer to it as a “difference in parenting styles” and pat you on the head as if you were an unreasonable child. I’ve been there, done that.

      The courts really don’t like giving either parent sole custody. They want to do what is in the best interests of the child and in their eyes, that means time with both parents. Here’s the issues I see with your case…

      1. Technically your son was fed. You might not like what he was fed or how much he was fed, but he was fed. That is how the courts are going to look at it.

      2. Unfortunately, napping is not state-mandated in any state. You have no case there. Obviously the people who make these laws have never had to deal with a sleep-deprived toddler.

      3. Putting him on a trampoline was just plain dumb and ignorant. Make sure you get a copy of the medical records for that one. While a one-time occurrence won’t do you much good in a court case, if these things happen often and you have documentation of it, you will be armed with the evidence you need.

      4. The paint thing is going to be a non-issue. Unless you can prove that your ex was going to have your son sniffing fumes right from the can, they are going to look at you like you’re crazy.

      5. Driving him around with no license IS an issue. Why was his license taken away? Was it for a DUI? This is very important information that you need. If you can prove that your ex is driving your son around on a DUI suspended license, the courts will take note of that. How do you prove he’s doing it? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe “someone” should call the local police department and inform them of the situation and exactly what street he will be driving down and when.

      6. How do you know him and his girlfriend fight all the time? Is it ever physical? If it is, then that is an unfit environment. You’ll need to get Social Services in to prove it though.

      7. The dog, unless he has attacked others in the past, is also going to be a non-issue. I have a wolf-hybrid. He’s 25 percent wolf. He’s a huge baby who loves everyone but I have the common sense to keep him away from little ones because a dog that loves too much can do damage too. Unless you have proof that this dog has had a history of violence, you can’t do anything about it. You can, however, ask your ex nicely to keep the dog away from him. If your son ends up with injuries, take pictures of them and bring them to court.

      I know this is hard to hear. Unless you want to play a little dirty (like the suspended license thing) or unless you can gather more evidence proving that your ex is definitely unfit by state standards and not just yours, you are going to have a battle on your hands.

      One question. Does your ex pay the child support he is supposed to pay? Because if he doesn’t, that will land him in jail. Then visitation won’t be an issue.

  4. I just married the man of my dreams but he comes with some major baggage that I feel lost on how to help him with. His ex, of which he has 2 children with, a 14 year old girl and a 16 year old boy, is crazy…litterally. Ever since I’ve started dating him she has been nothing but problems. She followed us to lunch on day and attacked the cashier, him and me and was arrested. She drove drunk to his home at 3am and assaulted him and broke out the windows of his truck, all in front of their son. Plus she left her daughter home alone. For this act she was arrested. She has chased us with her car while both of her children were with us (we were bring them home from a visit as she has custody at the time). We called the police and although she was stopped in the act she got away with it. She uses her children as pawns in her game of vengence. When we first moved into our new home she had the daughter call and say inappropriate things and ask inappropriate questions to her father. She threatened both kids that if she ever found out they were nice to me that she would never talk to them again. She has repeatedly verbally abused her kids in my presence. She has harrased me and my husband for 2 years. Last year, their daughter decided to move in with us and throughout the time she has been with us she has told us of illedged abuse both verbal and physical when she was living with her mother. The son decided to live with his aunt to avoid the abuse from his mother. Now we are dealing with more of her craziness. For the past month she has been doing everything in her power to brib her kids to do what she wants, again just pawns in her game. She is willing to offer them anything she thinks will get them to come live with her. Both kids are afraid of her and afraid to upset her for fear of what she will to in return. Both the kids, my husband and anyone involved with her walks on eggshells to avoid her outburst and irrational behavior.
    Last night we went to pick up the kids so that my husbands daughter could be here today to go to freshman sign up day at the school here so she could get her schedule and student ID for school. We live 2.5 hours from their mother and drove up to pick them up (as she never meets us because she can’t afford it or so she claims). The mother left the son home and took the daughter to an undisclossed location so that we could not pick her up. She also took her daughters cell phone and turned it off so we could not contact her. We contacted the police but they said all we could do is to report it to the court today, which we have. The daughter is afraid to be in contact with us for fear of what her mother may do. Both kids struggle on a daily basis to try to parent the mother and keep her out of trouble, which is not their jobs and not a position they should be put in. I don’t know what to do. I feel like we are not doing enough to protect the kids and don’t know how to get them to understand that his behavior is not only dangerous for them but something they should not be involoved in…for their best interst. The daughter feels like she needs to take care of her mother and keep her safe from herself. To top it all off, the mother has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and claims to have no money. She only is willing to spend money on the kids when she feels like she gains an advantage by it. She also is now claiming to the court that we as parents (my husband and myself) are not meeting the childrens needs. That we don’t provide for them and that they are in an unhealthy enviorment because of it. Due to the economy we cannot maintain the lifestyle the children were used to previous (which was the got anything they wanted when they wanted it), however we keep them clothed, feed, and meet all the essetial needs. We also provide them with extras when possible but I have 2 year old twins that also have needs to be met. Both children were into sports before their dad moved out and have since abandoned them all together. Both my husband and I have tryied to get the kids into sports again but they have refused claiming no interst. I believe the issue lies with fear of an interaction between their parents, which in turn can be a situation their mother can get in trouble with the law again. She also accuses us or abuse due to the change in location (moving from Maine to NH because my husband was transfered for work) however we have done all in our power to ease this adjustment for the kids. I think I have provided many examples of abuse but how can they be proven. She is a liar and minipulator, one of the most extreame cases of both I have ever seen. She easily convinces others that she is in the right because of it. I need help, I need to save these kids before it is too late!

    • princessjd says:

      It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation. My advice? Get a lawyer and then call Social Services and the police each and every time you get the chance. Yes, it’s tiresome. Yes, it’s going to take time. But eventually right will win over wrong.

      Also, get those kids into therapy. A therapist is obligated to report abuse. So as these children open up to the therapist about what has been going on, that therapist will eventually have to get the authorities involved.

      I wish I had a magic wand answer for you, but I don’t. These things take a lot of time and it’s a frustrating battle. Just remember, the fight is worth it.

  5. Big Poppa says:

    Hello everyone. I have some questions that I would like answered to see if my ex wife is an unfit mother. I have three children whose ages are 9,7, and 6. About 6 years ago, my wife had me arrested for domestic violence but the courts threw it out stating that her statement along with the guy she was cheating on me with, didn’t match. They charged me with dissorderly conduct. She is no longer with that guy and has had a girlfriend. I also have bi polor disorder and take meds on a regular basis and have never had any problems with it. I’m on a very low dosage.

    I should have my kids every other weekend but actually I have them almost every weekend. I have kept a jounal with the times I picked them up and the times they were dropped off and where they were dropped off. I have that proof. About a year ago, my oldest told me and my girlfriend that her mom would go to a friends house and they would lock them in a room. When they came out there was smoke all over the place. I immediatley contacted children services and she never went back to that persons apartment again.

    Now my second child tells me that their mom takes them to a drive in and sits in the back with her girlfriend and drinks beer. I questioned this action but my 7 year old has told me that she drinks bud light and gets drunk and drives home. I don’t think my 7 year old would know what bud light is and know what drunk is until she explained it to me in detail. She says that drunk means that her mom cant walk and talks funny.

    She now works 3rd shift and sleeps all day while the kids are there. No one watching them. School has started now and almost every weekend, even on her weekend I have the kids. I have put them to bed and went to the bar where she hangs out and she is always there. She has pictures posted on facebook where she is drunk and pictures of her with beer in a car.

    My two youngest want to live with me and my oldest wants to as well. I don’t pressure them into deciding but my oldest says that she wants to live with me but doesn’t want to make her mom mad because then she will get mad at them. They live in a house that have 8 people including them. My kids sleep on the floor and my son who is 6 sleeps with the two girls. They have more clothes here than they do at their moms. I have a seperate room here for all three of them. I want to get custody of them but don’t know if I have any proof of anything and I don’t know if the court will grant me custody.

    Please help and let me know what I need to do.

    • princessjd says:

      Hi,

      First, let me say that you definitely have a case. You need to make sure that your kids are safe, and from what it sounds like, their mother does not provide them with a safe environment.

      The first thing I would address is the living arrangements. You say that there are 8 people living in the house. I don’t know how many bedrooms that house has or what state you live in, but out here you are allowed two people per bedroom in order for it to be considered suitable living conditions. If the house is a four bedroom house, then they meet that criteria. If the house has less than four bedrooms then it isn’t suitable living conditions and you can make a call to social services.

      Even if the house does have four or more bedrooms, I will still call social services and let them know about your concerns. They can tell you what they need from you in order to build a case against your ex-wife.

      I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, documentation is everything. Document the drinking incidences. Facebook is a tool. Get screenshots of her inappropriate behavior.

      I know you don’t want your kids to go through anything traumatic, but testifying against their mother is a short-term trauma that can prevent long-term trauma. What their mother is doing is wrong and you need to get those kids out of that situation.

      Get your oldest daughter a cell phone and teach her how to text. If her mother is driving the kids drunk, have her text you where they are at. Contact the police with the information and a description of the car and location. If she is trying to drive them while intoxicated, you need to know so you can get them before they get hurt and the police need to know so they can catch her and charge her. This will all help your case but will also, most importantly, help keep your kids safe.

      You should also contact a lawyer. A lawyer in your state will be able to help you start a motion. You definitely don’t want to leave the kids in that type of care.

      Let me know if you run into any other questions or need further assistance. I hope this information helps.

  6. kelly says:

    Hi
    I am doing this on behalf of my boyfriend. He is named on all the birth certificates 3 children being is own and 1 child who is not. the ages are 13 10 7 and 5 he is aware that he as parental responsibility for the two youngest but for the two oldest she refused that years ago. my partner and his ex partner was not married. They went for mediation but it has failed on her behalf. she stopped him seeing the 5 year old november lat year. there was an attack that took place 17th September 2011 an unprovoked attack concerning his ex partners husband assaulting me and since then my partner has only seen his 3 children 1 week out of 4 weeks. her solicitor contacted my partner STATING she does not want contact with him. also stating he assaulted is youngest (age 7) boy which is not true. My partner got a solicitor to write to her STATING he does not want contact but wishes to see his children every weekend (like he has always done) but because shes texting him wanting times and days and my partner told the eldest child the days and times she will not let him see them. i have researched parental alienation syndrome and its seems to me that she has got that. My partner wants parental responsibility and contact order. he also wants custody but as we have no house it is rather hard because we are living with my parents we are trying are hardest looking at every angle. The kids are left on there own weve reported it to social nothings been done. the kids witness the step father pysically assualting there mum. weapons in the house. mum and step dad gets drunk most nights. and allow drugs in house. step dad beats family pets up reported in to rspca nothing done About that. kids look scruffy ripped trainers torn clothes etc. and since this attack on me took part the kids are scared to say anything i front of my partner and me. shes trying her hardest to know how much he drinks weekends for that to go against him. she has evn sent a 10 and 7 year old to go to shopping centre alone. and walking to school alone including the 5 year old. we was planning to take the 3 kids away on hoilday next year but shes blackmailed my partner because her husband car got scratched before i got attacked police checked are keys and found nothing. what would your advice be?

  7. Jenna says:

    OMG I have a small novel here. My fiancee has 3 children 14, 12 and 10 his ex wife is on her third marriage and 5th child. She is 42 and moved her boyfriend in before the divorce was final from my fiancee’. She was with this man for about 2 years and then last March he moved out and two weeks later an new one moved in. The kids met him the day he moved in. The boys did not even remember his name when they came with us that weekend and said “mom likes this new guy and he is living with us.” That same weekend she announced she was getting married in 3 months. The new man is lead to believe she and her previous boyfriend broke up 8 months before. Weeks later she announced she was pregnant (shocker). OK now I have to go back about 6 years…her oldest daughter from her first marriage who is now 20 wanted to move in with her father when she was 14 becaue her mother screamed at her constantly and while my fiancee’ was working 3rd shift she would leave her oldest daughter to babysit her three young siblings until late at night. When her father served her mother with custody papers she threatened her daughter to disown her so she stayed….now fast forward again, Last July his daughter came to us and broke down crying that she could not take it anymore. her mother was constantly doing nothing but screaming at them and calling them swear words (but never in front of the “new guy”) While on the bus coming back from a softball game her bus was running 5 min late and her mother called her cell screaming calling her a ungrateful bitch and her softball coach over heard her. She was so embarassed…she wanted to move in with us. When we had her mother and then step father over to talk her mother went crazy. The kids were not present and her husband told her the right thing to do was to tell her they were happy she came to us and to suggest going to counseling to work on their relationship. She agreed…until they got home. When the husband took the two younger ones out for ice cream so they could talk she did the same thing she did years ago, she told her if she tried to leave she would disown her and she would never meet her unborn sibling, so she decided to stay. Lately, it is getting out of control, when we go pick up the kids she yells and screams and swears at us and tries to take the kids out of the car. The kids tell us all she ever does is talk bad about us to them and in front of them. She calls our home screaming about absolutely nothing…and threatens to keep the kids if we do not do what she wants…example…last Sunday when picking up the kids she said they wanted to go to Walmrt becase they had gotten some money from their grandparents, my fiancee’ said “I will def try, but I have our day planned out already so if we have time we will stop” She screamed to the kids to get out of the car and that they could not come with us and physically tried to remove them from the car while cursing and screaming. She has withheld the kids twice now and the cops tell us it is a civil matter so we have filed contempt charges against her. The kids say all her and her husband do is fight and that their mother is the one that starts it all the time. The boys are starting to model this bad behavior and are becoming violent. We told the kids we were going to start counseling and they said sure, but why doesn’t our mom have to go she is the one who is crazy. I now if asked where they want to live they would say with their mom because there are no rules or discipline there…just screaming and frankly they have learned to turn a deaf ear to it. Here there are chores, expectations and consequences. Her oldest daughter has since moved in with her dad and still maintains a very good relationship with my fiancee’. She says she would testify for us if need be…do we have a chance? we can not afford a lawyer since I also have 3 children who do live with us.

    • princessjd says:

      First, I would document everything. Documentation and the daughter’s testimony is crucial. However, what concerns me is that you say you cannot afford a lawyer. The judge may look at the financial situation and wonder if you will be able to provide for the kids.

      In any case, I would call the local human services agency and find out if you can get a lawyer at no or low cost and make sure you involve social services. The more documentation and help you can get, the better.

  8. momof3 says:

    My husband’s sister has a one year old little girl and a five year old little boy. She lives at home with my in-laws. Both of her children are by different men. The little boy’s daddy just had a new baby but pays child support and picks him up every other weekend. He is an okay guy. Now the little girl’s a different story. My sister-in-law and her latest (the little girl’s daddy) are both drug addicts and do not work. They sell all of their food stamps and anxiety medication and use the little boy’s child support to buy drugs. Recently this has not been enough and they are stealing my in-laws jewelry, collectable knives and coins, and the bloody air conditioners. They are pawning off all of their things to buy more drugs. My in-laws will not kick her out because of the kids. They would not have anywhere to go and my in-laws are not financially or healthy enough to care for them. She admits to doing all of this and they have called the law. The police are not doing very much. They live about an hour away and we can not be there all the time to document things. If we called child services on them would they put the little girl in foster care or could we get her? We own our home free and clear, my husband has a steady job, and I am a stay-at-home mom of three. It would be difficult but we could provide her with a better home. Please help.

    • princessjd says:

      I’m not sure which state you live in, but chances are that you can get placement of the children in your home. Social service agencies would rather see children go to a home with people that the children know, as long as it is a stable environment. If I were you, I would call the local social services agency and call them regarding their policies in this type of situation. You do not have to give them specific details until you are comfortable. You’ll find these people are often very helpful and will give you the information that you need in order to help these kids.

  9. Sarah says:

    I’m pretty certain about what you will say, but I still would like to hear someone else’s opinion. My ex-husband and I have been separated for almost 2 years. We have joint custody of our 5 and 3 yr old. He never saw the kids during our divorce until 1 week prior to the finalization. His atty fought for visitation – every other weekend, every Wednesday, and certain holidays. He chooses to not adhere to any of it, picking the kids up possibly once a month, when it’s “convenient” for him. Recently, he and I had a verbal agreement to return the kids at a designated time, as the kids were even reluctant to visit with him. 2 hrs into his visit, he sent a text message, stating “I’m not bringing them home until tomorrow.” When I called to find out what was going on, the kids were begging me to pick them up, that they wanted to come home. He refused to let me come and pick them up, was belligerent, rude, swearing over the phone at me (in front of our kids) and trying to intimidate me into telling him what my plans with the kids were for the following day, so I could PROVE to him that I wanted to do what I said. When we divorced, it was clearly stated that we live “free and clear” from one another, and that we could not interfere, whether directly or indirectly. Later, when he finally decided to return the kids at the originally designated time, he returned my youngest without a hat, no mittens, and coat in her arms — to my dismay, as it was 32 degrees outside. Is there anything that I can do?

    • princessjd says:

      Hi Sarah,

      My advice, if he ever pulls that shit again, call the police. If your kids are crying to come home, they have a right to.

      If I were you, I’d start documenting (like I tell everyone else to do) and work to get his parental rights terminated. I have grown short of sympathy for people like this.

  10. Carolina says:

    Please call me asap i can relate a lot to your opinion and my husband needs help getting custody of his kids back

  11. tony says:

    hi, im in england, will be returning to texas in a week, ive been home to see my family for the forst time in 5 years, i have been working 91 hours a week in texas. my wife has been looking after our son hes almost 3. now she tells me she is having an affair. our son who is almost 3 only knows 4 words-hello, please, yes, no. thats it, she sits him in front of the tv, she sits in front of the computer, thats it., i say shes unfit, am i right or not, obviously were finished but what do i do, her parents are drug dealers- i can prove this and the police do know them, they are the only babysitter for our son, what the hell do i do?

  12. Jess says:

    I think my ex is an unfit parent. He smokes pot a lot, ignores his kids and leaves them unattended, let’s his 8 yr old and 3 yr old watch R rated movies and cuss, doesn’t have a stable place to live, just got married two months after we broke up, he’d let my daughter sit in soiled diapers for hours, yell at her to quit crying, and makes her wait for a bottle while he’s playing video games (all of this while I was at work). And now he wants custody. My lawyer doesn’t think I have a strong case for proving he’s unfit because I don’t have enough evidence.

  13. meli says:

    I just recently found out my ex husband has been in and out of the mental hospital, with in the last 5 weeks he attempted suicide, I have never had a problem with my kids going over there (i now know that my kids might have even been there shortly after an episode which is scary enough) until I found out that he in fact has been going to the mental hospital he would never get them on a regular basis but just two weeks ago he got a hold on the divorce decree and now is saying he wants them the first third and fifth weekend of the month, and he wants his month in the summer. His gf is the one who told me about this last occurance, and she accidentally said that he had been to the mental hospital previously. I know he loves the kids but he pulled these stunts with her kids there so theres no telling what he will do with my kids there. I cannot get copies of the reports because they are medical and under hippa it is protected, and he is threatening to get me in trouble if dont let them go, his own parents dont trust the kids going over there for a weekend let a lone a month but I dont want to be found in contempt of court, he has never gotten them on a regular basis even before and the only proof I have is the fact that I have all text messages backed up on my email showing when he said he wouldnt get them. i wish i would have documented the last two years that he has not been getting them on a regular basis, but at least I have text messages I dont know what to do. THe whole reason for the suicide attempt was because she was gonna break up with him because he cheated on her with some drug addict that was staying with them for a week (ironically she was a friend of the girlfriends)

  14. kara says:

    Ok, so I’m in the process of getting a divorce. The sheriff just served my ex with the papers. I had a restraining order on him, and have also just gotten an extention on it for another year. We have a 2 yr old daughter together, who he has chosen not to see. He was awarded visitation in the restraining order based on when it was conveinient for my parents who surpervised his visits until an appropriate parenting plan is put in place when we are going through, or after our divorce depending on when that arrangement gets made I’m not sure. But anyways, my ex was offered numerous times to see our child and he said his license was under suspension and didn’t have a ride, yet everyone in my family and some of my friends as well as myself saw him driving his car around anyway. That seems like he just doesn’t wanna see her. Can that be used in court? I have numerous witnesses willing to testify to what they have seen. He hs bipolar and anxiety disorders, and he took himself off the medication when we were still together after which it didn’t take long for him to hurt me, or even our daughter. 1 event that sticks out in my head is when she was 3 months old she grabbd a hold of his hair, so he yanked a chunk of hers completely out to ‘teach’ her. After that had happened, I left him and took our daughter with me to my moms and never went back. But, before that had happened when he was allowed to watc her when I was at work, he was sleeping al day leaving her in her crib where she peed through her diapers..he watched her at my parents house, and my father was the one who tld me about it when he was home from business. I’m scared of him. I’m scared that he will wind up with custody because if he does, I know he’ll hurt our daughter the way he hurt me an had only started doing to her when I left. What can I use in court to help keep my child safe and out of harms way? I have my own house now, can’t exactly afford any luxeries but my child always has what she needs. Idk what to do and I can’t afford a lawyer so anything you can tell me on what I should do what I should or shouldn’t bring up is helpful. Sorry if this message is all ovr the place but any time I think about the things he’s done I get upset

  15. pam says:

    My husband’s ex wife refuses to let us see the kids. He has a 14 yr old daughter and a 9 yr old son. In August last yr his daughter told her mother she had been raped and her mother done nothing. Then in December we called to talk to his daughter and she was obviously under the influence of something, after my husband met with his ex to pick up their daughter we found out his daughter was drunk and blew .115 on a breathalyzer. Then I’m April his daughter was out til 2:30 in the morning while her mom is out of town. We are not allowed to see either child and feel like his daughter is headed down the wrong road and my husband’s ex is not taking care of these kids. Whenever we try to get involved we are told its none of our business. His ex is bipolar and very difficult to deal with. We have kept a journal of everything from police reports to just dates of when we are suppose to have them and we don’t. What else can we do to prove his ex wife an unfit mother. Please help!

  16. Chelle says:

    We have been fighting for nearly five years to get me stepsons mother away from him… just today she got visitation back after six months without seeing him… he came home saying he had been in bed with her when she “Put Fernando’s peepee in her hole” (Fernando was her boyfriend at the time). He’s had cigarette burns, cuts, even a broke arm and yet she got visitations back… we’ve kept a journal… the judge won’t look at it… she disputes it all. We fear the child is going to end up hurt beyond repair… I’m exhausted… we can prove she’s staying in a really bad neighborhood… I’ve asked for drug test but the lawyer ignores me. What else can we do? I’m sick over this!

  17. mrsrogerson91 says:

    me and my fiancee live in California.. my step daughter lives in Indiana with her mother. about two years ago my fiancees ex wife took off with his daughter and cleaned the accounts and racked up his CC. since she left she barely kept in contact and refuses to let him see his daughter. any time we visit indiana its a fight to see her or spend time, even though he pays child support on time every month. (he’s a marine and is stationed in California. so he has no choice but to stay here til he is out.) he does get out in 3 months which we are extremely happy for and we will be moving back to Indiana to have a better fighting chance in court. I guess my question really is do we have enough evidence and statements against her that would give us full custody. We have pictures of our daughter with bruises and a black eye, the clothes she wears when she does get to visit, employment status which she’s a exotic dancer, we have statements from various people of her behaviour at work and in public. we have proof of the Identity theft and fraud. we want a drug test but are still waiting on the guardian at lidum report.. which we still dont have. but we also havea police report of when my fiancee was visiting his parents and he had his daughter and his ex wife, her sister and one of her friends (a larger fellow) jumped and beat him up with his daughter in his arms. (he’s also disabled, courtesy of the US marines. he walks with a cane he’s only 21) he let go of his daughter so she wouldnt get hurt and they ran away an jumped in the car and speed off. he went to the hospital for the incident. he suffered a concussion and more damage to his leg. we hope that report and hospital report helps us. we are just unsure if this is enough..

  18. stephanie says:

    My husband is in the process of a custody battle and the mother of his son is pulling anything ad everything so we cant see him! Im starting to get nervous and was wondering if i have anything to worried about? here are some things we have on her and proof! Her and her new bf are trying to take the child out of state before our trail date, We have a police report of her tryin to have someone murder my husband, her bf and his family are into hard drugs and we know the child is around it, he comes to our house with torn clothes and hand welts on his face and legs! He has been to the ER for ” hittin his head on a table and biting through his tongue” had to get stitches! Found out that her and her BF were upstairs “taking care of business” and refused to let the child in the room and he fell down the stairs! These are just a few things we have many many more things and pics and witness’s and whatnots that will be needed just wanted to know what someone else thought! Or say this as! thanks

  19. brittany says:

    I’m in a similar situation with an unfit mother. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now. It seemed she was a good mom but something didn’t add up right. She would drop the kids off then when it was time for them to go home she would be now where to be found. We had gotten together when the kids were practically babies. They r eight now and seven now and I have an eight year old as well. She is two weeks older than my step daughter. Problems started to get bad when my step daughter and son were taken to a police station when they were two and three years ol because they couldn’t find their mom at five thirty in the morn. Her water was shutters off so she said she was getting water

    • princessjd says:

      Hi Brittany,

      I urge you to bring these matters to the attention of social services. Children should never be put in harm’s way or an unsafe situation. It’s important that you document everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) so that if it comes to court, you come out on top.

  20. brittany says:

    I have a problem with my boyfriends ex who has his children. She has an alcohol problem and has gotten away with so much!!! She has been in 3 car accidents in the last year, due to alcohol but sage never had to take a breath test. She has had children services called on her for leaving the kids alone all night but she lied and said she was getting water at a neighbors. She would sleep or drink and let them do what ever. The boy will be seven in July and he still pews and loops his parents then says he didnt know he did it. I have pics of brusing on the children from her smacking them. I have documents of dates, places, people and times. I have kept my cool to avoid conflict. I can’t afford to blow this for my soon to be husband. I have been with him for six years and we just got a big enough house for my daughter, him and my two step kids. My daughter is black, my man’s ex called her a Nigger today. It was because I had the kids with me after they had there ceremony at school for their last day. My other half works 3rd shift so I knew he needed sleep. She knew too. She called the police and told them that I kidnapped her kids from school. I ran and got myan and he took care of it but not before my daughter ran out to say goodbye to the kids and she got called that GOD AWFUL AWFUL NAME!!! It makes me want to scream!! I feel like I should leave or be out of the way and other times I feel that our or my strength to fight will be what these kids need. Advice? I have a years worth of documents but hardly n e pics.

    • princessjd says:

      I would contact Social Services with all of the documentation that you have. Demand that something be done. If worse comes to worse, you may need to hire an attorney to file for sole custody of your step-child, but that is a step your significant other will have to take. Situations like this are ugly and technically that woman emotionally abused your daughter by calling her that. I would report that to social services as well.

  21. uriah berzins says:

    Hello, i know this post is kind of old but im going to try anyways and hope for a response. my name is Uriah and im posting on behalf of my fiance and myself. i am twenty years old and we are expecting our first child together. my fiances name is amanda and she is 22 and has a three year old with her ex. first, let me state that i care greatly about her daughter as well and take some my share of responsibility in her development when she is with us gratefully. we never slander him or anything and calls me by my first name and him by daddy. he is still in her life as they have a shared parenting plan. but sadly, it is becoming more and more clear that he is as unfit of a father as he is a person. we think. a little background on us. we both have jobs, cars, we live in our own place, and were both responsible adults. before their child was born, amanda was dependent on drugs as more of a coping mechanism then anything. her ex physically, verbally, and emotionally abused her constantly. he continued hitting her even through the pregnancy. after she had her daughter she finally got up and left him and hes never been right since. we met, she sobered up, and now we are happily engaged and expecting. on our side of things, nothing could be better besides the custody battle which will sure happen soon with her daughters father. he has tried on several occasions to physically assault me because i now go with her to pick up and drop offs when able to in concern for her safety, especially while she is pregnant. her daughters father is completely controlling and uses the baby as emotional leverage in an effort to still control my fiances life. he threatens to not allow us her visitation and has withheld visitation several times. a couple months ago, he signed a paper stating he would be in west virginia with the baby for a period of two weeks and have her back by march 15 (we live in ohio and it is against their agreement to take the child out of state but we agreed as he was wanting it as his vacation time). not only did she not come back on march 15 but he also was not in west virginia but rather he was in chicago staying with a navy buddy. we did not see her daughter again until mid to late april. he only came back once we began threatening to come to chicago and find him there. now he has a residing address with his mother with the courts but bounces from trailer to trailer, never stable and most all of them are bad company. his last known girlfriend was an admitted heroin addict and so are a couple of the family members he lives with. even if his mothers was his address, its a 3 bedroom trailer that has six people living in it. surely that can not have her own bedroom as it states in their agreement. we dont know where to go with any of this and can use any help we can get. we have only decided to pursue things now because as of late he has been getting more and more irrational and she has been coming back with almost apparent physical and emotional signs of neglect. we are truly worried but do not know what our first step should be. we do not want her daughter to be distraught anymore or coming back to us with all the bruises and bumps and cuts that she does. granted kids get into things but not nearly that much. also, he is unemployed and has been piggy backing his way through life with the help of financial aid, unemployment, and his G.I. Bill. money is hard to come by to hire an attorney but in your opinions, if we had doctor, child services, and/or a child psychologist backing us up, would walking into court without an attorney be pheasable? thank you for your consideration.

    • princessjd says:

      First I would see if legal aid was available in your area if you cannot afford an attorney. If legal aid is not an option, document everything and bring the documentation (and pictures of any injuries) to social services. If social services gets involved you may not need an attorney at all depending on the laws of your state. They will take over the case and his parental rights may be terminated. If a doctor, child services and a psychologist is willing to back you up you have a right to represent yourself in court. Contact social services or child protective services as soon as possible and get the ball rolling. If they won’t listen to you at first, keep calling until someone does. The child has a right to a safe environment.

  22. erin says:

    My son will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. His dad & I split up a week ago. He has not asked to see him until now. However, last week when we broke up it was because he came home drunk & puking all over my other child’s stuff. He was yelling & cursing. And stated that he would kill himself. I called the cops 3x in the following hours and eventually he got arrestted after pushing me while I was holding my son. He got arrestted because the cops found 70 grams of pot in his backpack. He doesnt have a license and drives around & has been pulled over for it already. And he says he’s going to kill himself everytime something doesnt go his way. I breastfeed my son and honestly feel my ex is unsafe for my son (& daughter) which is why I left. He asked to see my son and I simply stated it will be wrked out in time, to please leave me alone and that I think he’s unhealthy until he gets help. What should i be doing? I just want my kids safe & happy.

    • princessjd says:

      Erin,

      If I were you I would get social services involved immediately and go to the courts and file for a restraining order. The fact that you had to call the police three times and that he was arrested should be enough to get you the restraining order granted. There is usually a fee associated with requesting a restraining order (or an order of protection) but if you have a low income many courts will waive the fee. In addition, document everything. I know I’ve said that probably a hundred times in my replies to people, but documentation is very important. Call social services and make them aware of the situation. Then file an order for sole custody and try to get the courts to terminate your ex’s parental rights. If he is not fit to be around your children, you should make sure they are safe and it is your right to keep them from unsafe situations. If that means having a father’s parental rights terminated, that is what must be done. If you cannot afford a lawyer to file for sole custody, see if there is legal aid services in your area or if you can find an attorney who will work on your case pro bono. Let me know if you have any other questions. I hope everything works out.

  23. fkr2009 says:

    Hello.

    My situations a little bit different. My girlfriends daughter is two, and her dad has not seen her since December 31, 2011. He has no job, no money, stays at a friends house on the couch, and smokes weed 24/7. In that house, there is at least 3 other kids, and three adults. Last week he decided to put in for custody of her. Me and her have been together for almost a year now, and even though I am a female, she calls me dad. She has no idea who he is, I could show her a picture of him and she’d be clueless. We called the courts and they said because he signed the birth certificate, he has rights to her, and when we go to court, will probably get visitations. He use to beat my girlfriends son, who is now 5 almost 6, and we do NOT want him around her. I understand the documenting everything, and pictures, but we have no pictures, and where we live, they are very pro two parents. They said she has to get married and whoever she got married to would have to adopt our daughter, but since that is not legal in this state, what do we do? We don’t want to confuse her or let her be around the environment he lives in… Help!

    • princessjd says:

      You need to get a lawyer and you need to get social services involved. He does have legal rights because he is the father, but that does not mean those rights can’t be terminated if he is deemed to be an unfit parent, which it sounds like he is. I can’t give legal advice because I am not an attorney, but I can tell you from experience that the best way to handle this is to contact social services about the 3 other kids living with them and the conditions they are living in. With an investigation going on and what they are likely to find, I doubt he will have a chance of getting custody.

  24. Nicole kirkpatrick says:

    I have a friend who wants custordy of his daughter mother is unfit and living with a violent boyfriend need advice

    • princessjd says:

      You need to get social services involved and document the abuse. The courts won’t do anything based on allegations alone. You need documented evidence and the best way to do that is to have social services start an investigation.

  25. addie says:

    I need help! A year ago me and my ex husband were divorced.. we agreed on custody of our 6 yr old daughter.. 3 nights a week with him..he has never used those 3 nights EVER..that was ordered in october..in early dec he just stopped seeing her or calling her altogether..he still called me but would never ask about her anything.. he is a very bad alcoholic …everytime he gets in trouble with the law he calls me to bail him out .. 2 months ago he wrecked and totaled his car while drunk and when the police showed up on scene he fled on foot..it was 1 am and it happened about 3 miles from my home which he only lives 5 mins from me, anyways he showed up on my front porch and that is where they caught him..the next day I told him he could not see her anymore on his own until he got professional help for his drinking… he agreed that was best and he never called or anything anymore for her.. remember he lives 5 mins from me…ive always told him he can stop by here anytime to see her or id meet with him but he always refused.. he seriously cant go an hr without a drink..he is in really bad shape..BUT now he has moved in with this meth head who just lost her license for a dui a few months ago and she has a son my daughters age and she is pressuring him to get our daughter so he is threatening to take me back to court if I dont let him have her.. first of all, she doesnt want anything to do with him, if he calls she refuses to speak to him let alone see him..and second, i cant trust him to have her. what if she wouldve been in that car that night? he has no desire to be a dad what so ever…he even refused to come to her pre-k graduation because he said he couldnt take time off from work BUT yet the next week he took 3 days off to help his girlfriend get a mental hygiene warrant for her dad who lives with them…. I dont know that guy…all I know of this girlfriend is that she drinks as much as my ex and they dont supervise her child and they drink and drive with children in the car ( her child and her best friends children) they also have many different people who stay at her home with them..I have been around her once myself and she was so high out of her mind it wasnt even funny… My ex’s drinking problem is so bad that it has caused problems in his life in every way possible…work and etc.. I filed for full custody this past week and Im awaiting court date.. Am I going out on a limb here or do I stand a chance? I mean he has always had his option of havin her his 3 nights a week and never used them..he missed out on alot of things because he just refused to see her… I just dont want to go in there thinking Im getting what Im asking for if there is no chance… I have witnesses, texts and police records.. text that he has sent saying that he wasntgoing to bother calling her anymore and to tell her to have funw ith her new dad ( my fiance) …i mean why should he see her when he hasnt even called or seen her in months??

    • princessjd says:

      You are definitely doing the right thing. What I would do is file a report with social services regarding the circumstances of their living conditions and document everything. That way when you go to court you have a chance as the judge will see why you need sole custody to protect your child.

  26. maviebear says:

    Hey,
    My nieces (6 and 9) live with my ex-sister-in-law. My brother passed away, and sole custody was given to her. She has a history of drug abuse (clean for 15 yrs) but was seen relapsing (smoking a marijuana & drinking beer & vodka) at my brothers funeral. She moved my nieces to an island off Florida where they don’t know anyone (using the little life insurance money from my brother’s death). Her only family lives in CA and are seriously addicted to drugs & alcohol (a few have died from OD). She has been very distant in the past year only calling my mother once every 6-8 wks to let her speak to the girls and she has moved 3-4x. The last time anyone heard from her was me in late April, via text when I tried to visit while I was down in FL. Now all her phone numbers are disconnected, no address (just PObox) and no response to facebook or email. With some google research and lexis nexis searches, I have found out her boyfriend is a convicted felon w/8 counts – some very recent. The most agonizing part is that he has been arrested for drugs and alcohol… and she has been listed as living at his address for a short time. This is sickening that she’s living with a person like this knowing her past…although we don’t see what the conditions are or her behavior, we can only assume that with her previous addictions, behavior at my brother’s funeral and current boyfriend’s wrap sheet that things are not safe. I’ve contacted a private investigator and my parents are contacting an attorney regarding grandparents rights & making visitation mandatory but they are retired & on a fixed income so worried about the cost of a long drawn out trial. Do you think calling social services is best, or would going down there and confronting her ourselves be better? I just don’t want these girls to fall through the cracks :(
    Thanks,
    C

    • princessjd says:

      I think you need to call social services immediately. You need to get the law on your side and file a motion to get custody of those kids and the best way to do that is to make a case through social services. Do not confront her yourself. You run the risk of being charged with trespassing. Call the police and social services and make them aware of your concerns. They will start an investigation.

  27. jcan says:

    I am going crazy!! My ex doesnt like who I am with and we went to court. We got 50-50 (one week on one week off) but he doesnt let me talk to her he doesnt take her to day care… And he isnt paying me.. And to make it all that much better his mom called ss on me saying that my fiancee relapsed… this isnt true!! but he has an e-mail from some one i had a falling out with saying that it is… What can you tell me about this?? Help!!

    • princessjd says:

      Did the court order child support? If they did and he isn’t paying you then you can report him to your local child support enforcement agency and he will either have to pay up or go to jail. In regards to social services, an email isn’t proof of anything. They will have to investigate but if there is nothing to hide I wouldn’t worry about it as it will likely go nowhere. If you can afford an attorney, however, I suggest you contact one and try to get full custody considering your ex’s actions seem to imply that he is unstable.

  28. Alexys says:

    Okay. My fiance’ has a 18 month old son who we are trying to get more visitation with. His ex girlfriend just started dating a guy with 3 kids in town. No big deal. I friended her boyfriend’s ex wife and OMG. Turn out the couple’s 8 and 6 year old daughters are saying how rotten their dad’s girlfriend is. She locks the in their rooms without meals, now they’re even getting sores from not getting nutritions. If he loses custody of the kids, will she lose my step son too? His ex wife is planning on getting attorneys involved. What could this mean for my fiance’ and custody?

    • Alexys says:

      Thank you.

    • princessjd says:

      I would get social services involved. If she gets an attorney she can fight for custody and you will need documentation to support the claims being made. The only way to do that is file a report with social services so the judge has good reason not to grant her request. I wish you the best of luck.

  29. michelle says:

    okay I see the proof you need but I dont have them money to hire anyone. I have an almost 3 year old and never married. We were together for a couple of years before I became pregnant. He was so nice and normal. Then I found out he was taking pain meds and had used cocaine in the past but Im guessing now he might be. He buys pills all the time and told my sister he sniffs them. He has a temper,road rage,criminal record but very old. He was seeing my son a couple of times during the week at my house. I feel like I had to watch him seeing my son. Now almost 2 months he hasnt bothered to see him or call but I get a paper from the court from him looking for joint custody. He has 2 other kids out of state that he gets on the weekends. He says he has a room at his mothers but filed from his dads which his elderly living,and I know he has a girlfriend in the other state. I only have proof about he doesnt live where he filed. The courts are going to think im crazy but Im sick to my stomach that he might get him. He doesnt watch him well at all when he is here. He will be on his cell phone most of the time. He yells alot. A few months ago I told him not to come to my house and he showed up with his 8yr old and 16yr old. Kicking my door saying to let them in. THe cops came and said he told them he had visitiation and wanted to see his son. I told the police about them kicking the door and he didnt have any court order to see him. Showing up with his kids doing that is crazy. He would call me names like CU*T. His oldest has a drug problem and his 8yr old adhd which he wont put his on meds. He hits all the time and acts like an animal. He can put on a show and I know he will present himself as a great dad who takes his other kids all the time and he does work. He collects unemployent even when he works for the union and under the table but cant give me anything lately. He will say I wont let him take his son. He will get a perscrption from his DR right before court so he will pass a drug test that I requested. He has done that for work when they were testing. His DR will give him like 10-15 pills for his back.He will come in well groomed and say how great he his with his kids. Prob get an apartment before we have our case. I have one incident were my son fell down the stairs when he was upstaris with his dad and he put a gate up that shouldnt been where he put it and I booked it to the stairs when I heard my son coming down. We both went to the ER. When he was staying here he would just go to sleep before the baby would so im also afraid he will be sleeping when my sons not. He will say his older daughter is able to watch him which she needs drug rehab but I cant prove that. I have 4 kids and love them so much. Im just so afraid the judge is going to let him take him. And my son has never spent a night out and never has seen where ever he is staying. My court date is 8-9-12 any advice? I feel like im going to look like the crazy person because he really knows how to put on a show.

  30. Cherie Bailey says:

    Hi, I need some advice/help. Currently my husband and I are trying to gain either guardianship or custody of my nephew. (My sisters son) She has been an unfit parent for most of his life, put him through things no child should ever have to go through. She is diagnosed Bipolar and Multiple Personality Disorder, has been treated for drug addiction, and has attempted suicide by medication overdose multiple times (three in the past year, the most recent in June 2012). For two years my sister and her son were living with our mother, where my mother was the one who made sure he had what he needed and was taken care of while she did as she pleased. My mother had to pay for child care because my sister would not take her son to school, or pick him up after school. During the summers before my mother could put him in full time care at a summer program she would not make sure he was fed, and would often leave him at home alone for hours on end. (He is now 11, so between the ages of 8-9) There are times where she would leave for two or three days at a time, never calling to say where she was or checking on her son, and every time she would just leave assuming someone else would care for her son. (Which of course my mother would) When I visited in May-June, I witnessed this myself, as well as her lack of parenting towards him. While I was there I also witnessed her self mutilate herself by cutting and burning herself, and she was Baker Acted for attempted suicide as well. Before and during her hospitalization she and I spoke about her inability to care for her son. She agreed that my husband and I could have guardianship. When I returned home to Kentucky I went to the court to see what I needed, and upon learning that I needed his absent fathers approval, spoke to her again. (It took me exactly four days to reach her) I managed to track down the father, explained things to him, and then never heard from him again. The father is not my problem however since my sister is the custodial parent. After another week of not being able to reach my sister, I talked to her and she said because her girlfriend was ill she did not have time to deal with it at the moment. (Her words exactly) After four days I was able to reach her again, asked her if she was still alright with us getting guardianship and she said yes, I explained to her where we were with the court papers and that she needed to send me a notarized paper stating her agreement to the guardianship. (That was on Friday, July 27, 2012) On Sunday, July 29th she called us and said she wanted her son home, that she didn’t care how well he was doing here, or that she had no room for him due to living in an efficiency apartment with her girlfriend and her girlfriends 14 yr old daughter. I have sought legal councle, but with five children of my own and my nephew to feed and care for, we just don’t have the required money for a retainer fee. I have tried my states legal aid and they said we do not qualify, and the state child services said unless I could prove sexual or physical abuse they couldn’t help. Every lawyer I have spoken to said I have a strong case, IF I can prove her mentally unable to care for herself or her son, as well as her inability to maintain a stable, safe home environment, and proof of lack of care. Some of this I have, and I have friends, neighbors, and family who are all willing to give sworn statements. But how do I prove the times she has been Baker Acted or treated for mental illness? Because of HIPA laws I cannot get the records, they wont even talk to me. I’m afraid he’ll be sent back to her if I cannot prove her mental status to the judge. What should I do now? Is there anything I should do that I have not done yet? I feel lost, please, any advice is grateful. Thank you!

    • princessjd says:

      You need to gather as much evidence as you can, including the evidence of the medical history. You may not qualify for legal aid and may not be able to get a lawyer, but you can represent yourself. I did it. You may not be able to get the medical records, but you can get sworn statements from people who witnessed it. Get everything you can. Maybe hire a private investigator. Their fees are usually lower than an attorney’s.

  31. Mialyse says:

    My husband is in an ongoing custody battle for his 4 year old daughter. He believes that the mother is unfit based on the fact that she was consistently involved in illegal activity up until the court date. Things such as bank fraud, theft, and prostitution and even disappeared for 3 months without anyone knowing where she was. Of course the child was with him. The issue is, we were planning to file for joint custody because when she returned from her disappearance, she was threatening to leave the state with the child. But she filed for sole custody before we got the chance. She was declined, however, where she lives is still unfit for the child. She lives with her Grandparents and their son, who is her uncle, who molested her when she was a kid, and everyone living there smokes cigarettes inside. In our opinion, this should be an open and shut case. And after the first time we went to court and were awarded joint physical and legal custody, she kept the child from him for 2 months and the judge did nothing. She has lied on both myself and my husband many times in court and it seems like she isn’t being penalyzed for anything. My husband has never seen the inside of a jail cell, the most he’s done is recieved a parking ticket. He has his own place for her with her own bed room and still the judge keeps it 50/50. The child will start mandatory school soon and we want this resolved before then because we live in different cities and overall the mother is not a good example. What is the best way to handle this?

    • princessjd says:

      Call social services. Document everything. The more evidence you have that she is unfit the more your chances will be to get sole custody. The problem is that it is very hard to get sole custody, getting a parent’s rights terminated. It can be done, however, and you need as much evidence as you can to do it.

  32. shelbi says:

    ok me and my boyfriend are living together we have a three week old baby. my boyfriend also has a 2yr old son who he is in a custody battle with his sons mother right now. well his sons mother doesnt like me because me and mike are together and have a little family and mike moved on. well her and her lawyers recently sentenced me to a deposition and i went and they asked me crazy random questions. come to find out they are trying to put a restraining order on me towards her son. ive done nothing but love that boy as my own. is this possible for her to do? and will it put me in danger of losing my new baby because shes saying im un-fit but has no proof.?

    • princessjd says:

      If there’s no proof there’s no need to worry. The great thing about America is that people can waste their money trying to sue others or put them through other stressful legal situations but they won’t get what they want. If she has no proof that you are a danger to the child that’s exactly what she’s doing — wasting money that should be spent on the children. Maybe you should bring that up to the court. Why is she wasting money that could be put in the children’s college fund on unfounded and untrue claims?

  33. Crw says:

    I am going to court for custody of my daughter today she is now 15 months old. Her father has had a problem with Xanax and taking anxiety pill also. In march when her father found out I had a boyfriend he started acting funny posting stuff on Facebook about barely hanging on and how he fell to the ground and couldn’t breath from a anxiety attack. I printed everything out. Eventually I became suspicious that he was abusing pills again I got into his email and found messages about selling his prescription and how he has no Xanax and needs them. I have pictures proof and text messages also. I am worried that he will get unsupervised visitation still and I’m also scared to death of the wellbeing of my daughter. Any suggestions?

    • princessjd says:

      Okay, first of all, taking Xanax or an anxiety pill is not a problem. I take Klonopin for my anxiety attacks and Welbutrin for my depression and I am an amazing mother. Do you know why I am able to be an amazing mother? Because I am getting help for my issues. Those prescriptions were created for a reason. To help people who need it. They don’t make you an unfit parent. Selling the medication you need, on the other hand, is a problem and is illegal. If you’re just worried about him being on Xanax and other medications for mental help, get over it. At least he’s sane enough to get the help he needs.

  34. Jhar says:

    So I have sole custody of my daughter. My ex husband is entitled to two hours of supervised visitation every Saturday afternoon. But in the past two years while this custody order has been on file he’s only visited her maybe six times and never for the full two hours. He’s missed every birthday and every Christmas she’s ever had. And she’s only three. On his most recent visit he tried to convince her to get in the car with him. He kept whispering in her ear that he had a baby doll in the car for her and that if she went to his house with him he had a lot of presents for her. He also told her that he was going to go to her grandma’s house and pick her up. She told me all of this herself. And then she started crying and saying that she didn’t ever want to go with him. The reason that he has supervised visitation is that he can get really violent. And he has in the past. What do you think the chances of getting his visitation pulled are?

    • princessjd says:

      Have her testify to the police or child protective services what he told her. Open up a case with child protective services. It would not be hard to get his visitation pulled if he is unstable, you can prove it and he is in danger of putting your child in harm’s way.

  35. holding_on_to_hope says:

    I have 3 children my ex husband and i agreed that he would have primary custody of the children i was homeless and at the time and didnt want to risk losing them if it went to court. during the last two years he has moved about 20 times, he sleeps till noon and allows them to miss school, my son has adhd and his father has taken him off his meds. I do have a past history of drug abuse but am clean and can prove it. thire father has used drugs in the past as well but i dont know if i can prove it i need help getting my children home he doesn’t drink , do drugs, or hit them that i know of but he plays xbox all day and pretends they are not there. he has tried to give my children to his grandmother and my mother but can not without my agreeing to it. He does not want my kids and tells them things like they or fat and stupid. He will not allow me to have visition as ordered by the courts. he is unemployed and uses the kids to get money from my family and his to pay his bills. I contacted cps here about them missing school and my son not getting the meds he needs and him not seeing the doctor as needed but they will not help me my cps worker says i am a lier and good luck. School started back 7 days ago they have already missed 1 1/2 days. Not sure how to get custody when his only abuse is that he doesnt want to raise them. I have gotten school records and i am in contact weith thier schools getting all the information i can. I am not able to afford an attory right now i do have agangments with one and am making payments but in the meantime my children suffer.

    • princessjd says:

      You do need an attorney. If you can’t afford one you have two options. Open up a case with child protective services and/or see if you have a legal aid program in the area that you live in. Either way, you need to get some legal action in place in order to get your kids back to safety.

  36. jenn says:

    I was married to the father of my 3 children for 10 yrs, I was a stay at home mom. I had an affair and divorced him. We had the perfect shared parenting 1 week on 1 week off. And rarely any disputes. After 1 yr of our divorce G moved in with him, then 6 mths after that they found out he had stage 3 melanoma cancer. They married 11 mths later. I was very accepting of all of it considering I choose to leave. She was good to my kids and he let her rule because he was so sick. He passed 3 mths ago. And I slowly stopped the kids from goingto stay there. I was served with papers. She is taking me to court for full custody/visitation. To say the least, I am freaking. They lost their dad and now their step mom of 10 mths wants to take them from their mom. Believe it or not, she has the law on her side for the visitation. Its called 3rd party rights and its under the grandparents laws. My children’s’ lives are in the hands of a judge. I do have skeletons… the biggest one being a suicide attempt 1 yr ago. And when it was my week off from having the kids, I liked to go out. Never any drugs or anything. I am a great mother. There’s no question about that. Very involved and loving. My heart is breaking that I am being accused of not being able to take care of my kids. They are my everything.

    • princessjd says:

      She does have the law on her side when it comes to visitation, but not when it comes to full custody. I don’t care what skeletons you have in your closet. If you got help for that suicide attempt she can’t use it against you. No judge in his right mind will give her full custody. You may have to deal with her having visitation, but not losing custody of your kids. In addition, you can turn the tables on her. I’m sure she has a few skeletons of her own. Document everything and think about hiring a private investigator. How’s her credit rating? Maybe she can’t financially care for the kids… You’d be surprised at what you can turn up on people.

  37. Kim Channel says:

    Good morning, We have just won part of the custody battle, but I am wondering if it’s ever really done! My husband got custody of his 10 year old son. His mother abuses presciption drugs. The problems with his mother is as follows: drug abuse, not taking him to school, he picks his fingers until they bleed, he is obese,medical issues related to smoking in home, and has no sleep schedule. The court order states that she not smoke in the presence of the child, child is to eat healthier, and his medical needs be addressed. The court did not address her habit as far as making her get treatment and kept the custody as joint. We had already helped the child with losing weight, he had lost 3lbs in 5 days. He was well rested and full of happy energy. He visited his mother’s home this weekend, and not only was he exhausted, he had gained 3 1/2lbs back and his fingers which were almost completely healed were ripped up again. My husband had talked to the mother before the child visited and she agreed to having a sleep schedule during school and the healthier eating, she also agreed to treating his fingers in her care. The child’s clothes and bag smelled of smoke and his feet were absolutely filthy. What do we do?

    • princessjd says:

      If your husband got custody why did the child go to the mother’s to visit? I would say supervised visits only. If she has visitation rights, go back to court for supervised visitation only. Document what has happened and take pictures of the scale before and after he comes and goes and take pictures of his hands. You need all of the evidence you can get. If she doesn’t have visitation rights, keep that child away from her. I know it’s hard and you may think you are doing the right thing by not keeping a child from his mother, but the truth is that some women should not be allowed to have children. They do more harm than good.

  38. Lynn says:

    My brother has two boys( 7 & 2 ) and wants to get full custody of them. His wife is an absentee parent, she NEVER cooks, cleans the house, or washes any clothes but hers. When the boys come up to her and tries to love on her she has NO emotions and pushes them away. She always tries to find things to do away from home and when she is home she is sleeping or wants to be alone. She has a 13 yr old from a previous marriage and she makes him watch the two younger children. Last Christmas my nephews went to make her up so she could see them open up Santa she said that she didn’t want to that she wanted to be by herself, my brother asked her to get up so she could open her presents that the children got for her and she said that they could open up her presents she didn’t care. Every weekend she wants to spend time alone with my brother without the children so she finds someone to watch them , we usually keep them. If my brother don’t spend time with her the whole house cathes hell. She is always yelling and screaming at the kids, that my 2 yr old nephew don’t have much to do with her. She tried to put him to bed one night and he cried so my brother had to put him to bed and he went off to sleep. My brother has ALWAYS taken care of the boys and put his two to bed and bathed them. They are use to him and not to her becasue she don’t care and is not their for them like a mother should. The other day instead of her cooking and cleaning up she washes her brand new car. My brother cooks, cleans, bathes the children, washes the childrens clothes, takes care of all the children and pays all the bills except her new car payment. All she does is pay for her dance class ( she is 36 yrs) and spend her money on herself, all the children needed new winter clothes she said that they can where last year clothes, so my mom helped my brother buy my nephews some clothes. She don’t care she is self centered. We found out from someone in her side of the family that she was pregnant 3 yrs ago with another mans baby which she lost. Just like last night she had a dance class that was in another town a hour away. RED FLAG. Do you think that my brother has a chance to get full custody of his two boys?

    • princessjd says:

      Honestly, it’s hard. While more states are enforcing fathers’ rights they lean towards shared custody and not sole custody. Truthfully, getting the courts to terminate a parent’s rights because that parent is a self-centered bitch is impossible. She has to be putting the child in direct harm. Sorry. It’s horrible but true.

  39. Mike says:

    My ex wife’s friends have contacted me to let me know that her boyfriend is meth addict and that they believe she is using too. She leaves my sons slone with her bf while she goes out to bars. My youngest spends the night alone at the bf’s house. My ex has become verbally abusive and threatens my current gf, my ex also threatens her friends as well. I have no proof of this what so ever. I dont know how to proceed. Cps has been called for other reasons but just closes the case.

    • princessjd says:

      Call CPS again and be very assertive. Tell them if they don’t investigate seriously you will hire a private investigator to gather evidence and will use that evidence to prove their negligence. Do whatever you have to in order to get the evidence you need. Get written statements from people she has threatened. Follow her and take pictures of incriminating activity. You have every right to protect your child. Again, I’m not a lawyer and can’t give out legal advice but that is what I would do if I were in your shoes.

  40. ok so me an my ex just broke up we have 3 kids together he cant Handel being a dad he has 3 other kids besides mine and he wsnt here for them when we were together he was never home he was out drinking and getting high he has a mean side he has never hit me but his ex told me he has hit her and when they were together he would watch the baby and not take care of her im scared that if he has our kids something bad is going to happen we havnt went though the court yet idk what i would do if he gets joint cousty he has never really been there from day 1 i did every thing we were together for 5 years and he was living off my mom and dad cuz he wouldnt get a job now he is living off of his new girlfriend is there something i can do??

    • princessjd says:

      Unless you have hard evidence that he is unfit it is going to be hard. More and more states are enforcing fathers’ rights. What I would do is gather as much evidence as you can. Record phone calls. Follow him and take pictures. Whatever it takes to prove he’s unfit. Again, I’m not a lawyer and can’t give out legal advice but that is what I would do.

  41. Name:) says:

    Just wondering how hard ill have to fight to get supervised visitations ONLY with my son and his “sperm doner” my son is 14 months old and the last time I talk to his dad was 3 days before I had him he told me to get abortion or give up for adoption and I told him he was crazy ….my fiance and I have been together since the day I found out I was pregnant and it was unsure who’s baby it was after 14months my ex comes around asking opeople if the baby looks like him ….let me remind u I have not heard a word from him he never even ask if the baby was born . He has a felony ( failure to comply) and has a warrant out dor him he smoke pot like crazy like daily several times a day or all day …he has no job or home he moves around all the time not from house to house ….but from state to state …Ohio to Texas… And his dad is in and out of rehab and his mom is in and out of mental hospitals and has been in for suicide he is a mix of both of them it scares me to death that he will take my son hea that kind of creep and to top it off he has no child care experience….not sure what to do will he get unsupervised visitations do you think ?

    • princessjd says:

      It really depends on what state you live in and how much evidence you can compile to support your case. I always advise my readers to contact social services. I suggest you do the same to open a case against him. That will make your fight a lot easier.

  42. brennan says:

    Good advice

  43. Candace says:

    I suspect that my ex-husband is an alcoholic. He had a substance abuse problem in the past that he says he is clean of. I think he just traded one for the other. I can’t prove he is an alcoholic. He has had past arrests for DUI and has been a drug task multiple times. After finding out that he is most likely an alcoholic, I don’t my child in his car alone. I can prove that when he has my child they have not been staying at his house because it is an unfit environment that is invested with fleas. What should I do?

    • princessjd says:

      You need to contact social services. They will investigate the issue. If you have the resources, you should also hire an attorney and ask them to file for sole custody on your behalf. If you do not have the money for a lawyer, see if your state has a legal aid program. You will need to explain to the legal aid office that you fear for the safety of your child and the office should make the case a priority. If worse comes to worse, follow him. Don’t let him see you doing it. Take pictures of anything that would be incriminating. If social services doesn’t take the case seriously at first, they will with picture evidence. Also see if you can get someone to be “friends” with him on Facebook if he has a Facebook page. You’d be amazed at the stupid things people admit to on Facebook. Make a fake profile if you have to and friend request him. Use a picture of an attractive girl. Men can be very careless when it comes to these things. Do whatever you have to do to keep your child safe. Again, I’m not a lawyer and can’t advise you what to do legally, but that is what I would do if I were in your shoes.

  44. Turtle says:

    I’m in the process of fighting for custody. I’m a father of three wonderful kids. My kids are ages 10,8, and 7. My ex wife has 4 contempt of court charges against her. One because she hasn’t followed the custody papers regarding drop off locations. I had to go pick the kids up several times at her house because she was staying with a boyfriend and didn’t want to come back to drop them off. She said if I didn’t pick them up I wouldn’t get them on my weekend. Secondly, she moved without giving the court notice, third she was supposed to get my name off of the house from our divorce 6 years ago and never did and come to find out she hasn’t paid the taxes or payments in over a year. The house is now foreclosed with my name on it. She is telling the kids to lie to everyone that they want to live with her when I know they don’t. I did learn that she has had multiple guys live with her and my kids at the same time. One has a criminal record for drugs and another has as complicity to murder charged against him. I have a witness for that. I have another witness too for something else.

    I have kept a journal for over 6 years. I have a lawyer and court is coming up. I used to talk to them every night but since I filed she hardly ever let’s me talk to them. Found out recently that she is buying them cell phones and other items to bribe them.

    How are my chances?

    • princessjd says:

      Since you have a lawyer you are probably not seeking my advice and are most likely seeking my moral support. Honestly, your chances depend on the state you live in. If you live in a state that is beginning to focus on father’s rights, your chances are good since these states are making “examples” of cases like this. In any case, regardless of the state you live in, if you have enough documentation and witnesses then I’d say your chances are good. She seems like an unfit parent and living with criminals can be considered endangering the children. Again, it all depends on the laws of your state. I can’t give legal advice since I’m not an attorney but I can tell you that if I were the judge overseeing your case I would terminate her parental rights and give you full custody — but that’s just me. With that being said, I do think your chances are good. Especially if she is living with people who have murder charges against them.

      • Turtle says:

        I do need moral support. I live in ohio. Not sure if this is a fathers rights state or not.

        I love this site and I love that you are here for support. Thank you

  45. Erin says:

    My husband and I are currently going through a divorce which should have been final the 5th of November(I was the one that filed after raised his hand to me). At the last moment his lawyer requested trial by jury and the divorce now will not take place until spring. He wants primary custody. I have several heath conditions and take medication for them, a couple for pain. He accused me for years of being an addict. When we were living together the house was a mess but I was in horrible pain and depression. However, my kids always given 3 meals a day and snacks, had clean clothes and I helped them with their schoolwork. He payed no attention to any of us. CPS has never visited my house and no authority have ever been called. After the split I had the call the police on him twice. He did nothing a husband should do when their wife is suffering. He wouldn’t even go into my specialist’s office so he could explain my diseases to him. I was told over and over by my x it was all in my head and I was feeling sorry for myself.
    My questions: If he gets the right to pull my medical files will my scripts and pain shots I have had to have be a problem?
    What else does he have to have to prove me as unfit fit person?
    With a jury, does it matter if doesn’t have any evidence for me to lose primary custody?

    • princessjd says:

      Oh how I can relate to your story. “Mr. BPD” constantly accuses me of being an addict because of the number of medications I now take. Mind you, they are for Lupus and arthritis and I take them as prescribed. I had a problem at one point, but I actually take less medication than I am supposed to each day. Nevertheless, he calls me an addict. Isn’t it amazing how ignorant people can be?

      Your scrips and pain shots will NOT be a problem. I know this for a fact. As long as there is documented proof that you have conditions that would require you to take those medications.

      I’m not sure how a trial by jury works in regards to divorce, but I highly suggest you get an attorney if you do not already have one because if there is one thing I know about jury trials it is this — the one with the best lawyer wins.

  46. Erin says:

    I love the Mr BPD label! I only take my prescribed meds and have an amazing lawyer(best in this area but he got one that is several hours away). But, from what I hear his attorney is pretty good also. There were two times when the were adjusting meds and trying to figure out which ones were best for me, it did make me a little goofy. I admitted to it and fixed it. Like you, I am now taking less meds then I was a year ago. I suffer from migraines, fibro and reactive arthritis. The stress is killing me!

    • princessjd says:

      I can relate to the stress and what it’s doing to you. As far as your custody battle goes, this is how I would handle it if I were you…

      Go talk to your lawyer and tell him/her that you anticipate that your ex is going to be using your medical history and prescription usage against you. Then plan a counter-attack. One that will make him look like a complete asshole in court. For example, when your ex’s lawyer goes to attack you, your lawyer can point out that you take your medication as prescribed for diagnosed conditions that you are on top of. Then make it seem as though your ex doesn’t understand the importance of medical care and/or taking medication when it is needed, which could technically put your children in harms way. That’s how I would handle it anyway ;-) Take their attacks and turn it on them.

  47. Paige says:

    Okay so my story is not with a husband or ex-husband. I am trying to get custody of my 5 year old nephew. He lived with me from August tthrough begining of November and I can get his school to say that, also his soccer coach. His mother does drugs both prescription and others, she can’t hold down a job, she moves from place to place (always living with someone else, not supporting herself). When he is living with her he doesn’t wear clean clothes, she doesn’t take care of his medical needs, she is always screaming at him for everything that he does. He is late for school almost everyday and misses to many days. As of now she is living with our mother who has a criminal background in Domestic Abuse and Alcoholism. I am wanting to get him so that he can live a healthy and stable life. Any Advice?

    • princessjd says:

      First thing I would do is contact Social Services (or Child Protective Services or whatever it is called in the state that you live in) with your concerns — and you have VERY valid ones. First, get documentation. Get letters from the school saying when he lived with you his attendance was fine and then when he lived with his mother his attendance record went to hell (but in more professional words). Then, get copies of this woman’s criminal records AND your mother’s criminal records. This can be done with an Internet service like Intelius. It’s worth the money. Then drive down (don’t call, it’s better to put everything in their faces in person) and take all of your documentation and demand they open up an investigation. You, as a family member, will have a right to request the investigation and to have placement awarded to you if the parents are found unfit and other family members are unfit as well. Let me know if you have any other questions or of I can be of further assistance. You can always send me your email if you would rather information be kept confidential and I will email you.

      All the best,

      Princess JD

  48. Claudia says:

    My friend story is he has been married since 2005 has two kids his wife goes out parties takes off for days doesnt spend any evenings with the kids nor weekends has marijuana in the house hold is completly an alcholic and even the kids say she is lazy my friends shows the kids feed them takes them to school he is a father and mother he wants a divorse but doent knoe whatbto do he has the kids basaclly full custudy and she has a boyfriend there marriage is over and he is ownly there cause of not loosing the kids how can i help him i have over 4000 pic of the last 4 years of bithdays trips ect she is necer there pic of were her maijuana is and of how she leaves to go ut pary please help me he dint deserve that neayher the kids they see me more like a mom then her ther is lot of people that speak very badly about this situacion do to her actions i am sure they can notorize a letter of testify pls help.

  49. gabino palacio says:

    I have proof of my ex wife begging me for pill and abuse on my children and her house being dirty no food kids were dirty on clothing she leaves drugies watching kids and they have criminal records but dhs wont do anything what. ca

  50. Abigail says:

    Hello,

    I am in the middle of fighting with my daughters father for her. I fear she is being neglected and not taken care of etc. Just having some trouble proving it… I was wondering if it’s also considered neglect if he is never with our daughter? Meaning he is always at work, or with his new girlfriend. He doesn’t spend time with her at all. Anything will help, please and thank you in advance.

  51. josh says:

    can a mother be deemed unfit by a court for losing the house she bought and paid for with cash. reason she lost it is because she is allergic to a thing called a job. she allows our daughter to be around her mothers bf whom molested the mother in her teen years. my daughter is scared to come to see me where i live because mother and grandmother have told her i could run off with her thus preventin her from seeing mother & gma ever again

    • princessjd says:

      The house thing can’t be used to prove neglect, but the issue with the child molester is a valid one. If I were you I’d contact an attorney or the department of child services.

  52. John Monday says:

    Ive been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and she has a 15 year old from a previous relationship. Her ex gets my step son every other weekend. The problem is my wife is having major issues.She has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Shes had 2 knee surgeries and a hystorectomy in the past year. She cant work. She takes lots of medication for her health problems. 10 viccodins at 1 time. This causes her to be loopy and out of it. She passed out in a grocery store. She sleeps all day and a lot of the night. She yells at everyone. She told my 3 year old that she is “fucking annoying”. my step son hates her, but he hates his dad more. I work nights and he tells me when im gone he is left changing diapers and feeding my daughter. He also tells me my wife will leave for hours and come home acting funny. My step sons friends all call her “bitch claw”. She is a very mean person. We went to a therapist a few years ago and the therapist told my wife that she needs 1 on 1 help and rehab. But my wife refuses to take any responsibility and blames everyone else. She calls her son fucking retarded. She ignores our daughter and puts her in front of a tv when im not home and goes back to sleep. If it was just me and my daughter I would leave. But I love my step son and he doesnt want to be stuck with his dad. I dont want to leave him so im trying to stick it out. I have begged her to get help. She says that she will but never does. Now she is smoking pot along with whatever other drugs she takes. I even found a text message from some other guy asking her to comeover. She said, she couldnt becasue I had the car but she will the next day when she can borrow my car. We only have 1 working car because I purposley unhooked the battery in the other one so she couldnt drive anywhere. I can go on and on about stuff like leaving the stove on or not bathing our daughter or ever doing any house work and lying. She falls asleep with lit ciggaretes. My questions are is she unfit, if she has been diagnosed with an illness? Do prescribed drugs count as drug addiction? Can I still keep my step son? Thats what he wants.

    • princessjd says:

      Hi,

      First, I have to say that I’m not an attorney and, therefore, can’t give legal advice. What I can do is give you some insight from my personal experience. First and foremost, your wife is abusing prescription medication. Yes, the medicine is prescribed but if she is taking 10 at a time then she is abusing it. No doctor is going to prescribe a pain pill that you take ten of during each dose. Therefore, she has a problem and is indeed abusing drugs.

      Second, you need an attorney. I’m not sure how the law works in your state but in Wisconsin you could petition for a termination of parental rights based upon your wife’s failure to perform parental responsibilities and then adopt your step-son. The trick is you would also have to get the parental rights of your step-son’s father terminated as well, based upon some grounds (whether it be failure to perform parental duties, abuse, neglect, etc.). When that was all finalized, assuming you were able to get both parents’ parental rights terminated, you could then adopt your step-son.

      Your wife is abusing the children emotionally and yes, from what I have read I think a court would deem her unfit. Being diagnosed with an illness doesn’t make a parent unfit. However, if she is constantly abusing the children verbally and is abusing drugs (prescription or not) then the court would likely find her an unfit parent.

      Let me warn you that unless you can find a lawyer to do this pro bono, it can be very costly. A lawyer is likely going to want a retainer of $3,000 give or take and that’s just to start. I can’t say for sure because I don’t know where you live, the laws of your state, or other circumstances that would play a role but chances are this could cost you upwards of $5,000 or $10,000.

      Wish I could be of more help, but the laws are tricky when it comes to this type of stuff.

  53. bianca says:

    i just found your website on google. idk what you consider an unfit parent or what the courts would, but my husbands ex to me is definatly unfit. we need advice on what we can do about the problem and how to get full custody of him/what our chances would be. first, she goes out and parties at least 5 days a week, its all over her facebook. second, he will be two in may and has not been to the dentist, yet. third, she told me her doctor thought he could be borderline autistic to have him tested cause he only says maybe 10 words, that was about 4 months ago and she still hasnt done it. we keep him even on weekends that were not supposed to so she can do..(make up excuse) then posts pictures and statuses on facebook about going out. most of the time we have him from thursday at 6 to sunday at 6. everytime we go to pick him up, her house is completely trashed. like discusting trashed. she has some kind of mental problem and is on medicine that she never takes, im not sure for what, crazy pills i guess. shes bipolar, big time! she sends him over here with shoes and no socks on, he came over this past wednesday for a couple hours, went home, came back and stayed the night wednesday, went home thursday morning, picked him up at six today, and hes still in the same clothes. the past 4 times hes been here, he freaks out when you try to put him to bed, fights so hard his whole body turns red, then he makes himself throw up EVERYTIME. also the past 5-6 times hes been over here he freaks if you mention the word bath, when you try to put him in the bathtub, he throws himself on the ground and screams! even when you try to wash his hair. what 2 year old doesnt like baths?! he wants to be held 24/7. everytime she comes to pick him up he says “no” when she asks him if hes ready. everytime were about to bring him home we ask if hes ready to go see his mama. he says “pawpaw and noni” (her grandparents) idk if hes used to being there constantly or what. she doesnt work, her grandparents pay ALL her bills. including rent and car note. must be nice, right? honestly, my husband hasnt paid child support cause we feel like we have him more than she does and shes just going to spend it on her alchohol, anyways. not to mention hes in college right now mon-fri from 6-6 so cant really work or he wont have time with our kids. she refuses to tell us his doctor or give us a copy of his medicaid card, (which is in the papers shes supposed to) when i asked her for his ss # so we could just get our own card for him, she said she had to call her grandpaw and get it. she doesnt even have her own childs social security card! wtf?! we wanna pursue full custody of him, but dont know how good our chances would be since he hasnt paid any child support. also when she was pregnant, first she had an abortion, then she had a miscarriage, then the rest of the time he wasnt his. she crazy. who lies about something like having a miscarriage and abortion? thats sick, sorry. idk if theres anything wrong with him or if its just the way they raise him that hes not learning like he should be. all the words he says now, started about a month after he started coming over here all the time. WERE TEACHING HIM! and i think my son that just turned two yesterday is teaching him alot, too. that child never shuts up. he talks in at least three word sentences. any opinions or advice from anybody? please help!

    • princessjd says:

      Normally I would start this post with “contact social services” but SCREW THAT. You’ll all understand why I’m changing my tone about social services shortly. I’m going to post about them this week. That bureaucratic bully agency is nothing but a foster care/adoption factory that wants to make money off of kids. They have NO interest in helping your family. In fact, contacting them can hurt you. Stay AWAY from social services unless your lawyer advises you otherwise. I learned this one the hard way.

      So what I am going to say is go to court and fight for legal guardianship. Gather all of your facts. Take notes and record everything. Dates, times, places, excuses she gave, print outs from her FB of what she was actually doing. Document the dirt. The clothing. The behaviors. Everything. Then go to court. If you can’t afford a lawyer, fine, represent yourself, but go to court for full custody. If the judge says no. File again. Keep filing until someone will listen.

      You can call social services if you really want to, but don’t make the mistake of assuming the child will end up with you because they will likely put him in foster care. Why? Because he’s two and there’s a lot of people out there who want to adopt kids that age and Social Services makes big money when they adopt those kids out. Fighting in court for custody right now will be a hell of a lot easier than fighting the unchecked government power of social services. For all you know they’ll turn it around on you saying you helped the abuse and neglect along by not reporting it sooner. Do not trust anyone who works for DCFS or CPS.

  54. Heidi Perez says:

    Hello there,

    My name is Heidi, I’m 27, I live in Houston and I’m contacting because I need your advise. I feel very desperate and alone right now that idk what to do. I have a beautiful daughter, she’s gonna be 4 in July. She’s my world! I got divorced last year… He’s got full custody of my daughter, he did it taking advantage that I was acting nice and didn’t even filed child support. For being nice and stupid ge filed child support on me. I only remember signing up one paper from this person who told me it was for child support. Months later my ex shows me the custody papers stating he’s got full custody of my daughter. I was shocked! They gave it to hum because I never showed up to court, never spoke with the judge, nothing! They acted like if I was dead… Anyways.. My ex is a pain in the ass, sorry for my language. He works in a refinery every day all day long and leaves my daughter with his mom, she’s like 60 yrs old. They’re Pentecostal people, i don’t have anything against them but i do think it’s crazy that they think going to the movies is evil… My ex mother in law is crazy, she forgets everything and she’s busy all the time with church stuff, she also has to take care of a 90 year old lady who is my ex’s grandma n she lives there as well. The house has only 3 bedrooms, one for the old lady, one for my ex’s parents n the other one for my ex n my daughter. I dont like the fact she has to sleep with him. I’m pretty sure my ex mother in law is abusing my daughter because everytime i go pick her up or i call her she’s crying, she ls been having bruises lately, she even had told me several times that her grandma hits her with a stick. Luckily I have a video of my princess saying with her own words that her grandma hits her with a stick n it always hurts really bad. I left my job and went back to live in my parents house just so i can see her more often because my plan was taking care of her during day time when my ex is working… Of course he didn’t want to!!! He wants me to see her only on my time which is every other freaking weekend. I dont have money to hire an attorney. I am so desperate at the point where i dont know what to do anymore. I need her n she needs me too. She loves m prefers to be with me. Please tell me what’s the best thing to do… Oh i forgot another detail, my ex’s little brother has a criminal background, for DWI, drugs, etc… He was in jail a couple of yrs ago. He lives in the same house, well not exactly, they built a room where the garage was and that’s where he lives with the girlfriend n her kids. Im pretty sure they still do bad things. I dont know if that would help too. Ok i hope to hear from u soon.

    Thanks

    • princessjd says:

      Heidi,

      The first thing I would do is take that video tape that you have of your daughter saying she is abused to the police. Then, when you have a day with your daughter, take her into the police to testify that she is abused. The police will take it from there. DO NOT contact social services (DCFS/CPS) directly. They will turn it against you. I don’t trust them anymore and after doing quite a bit of research I have found that the agency that is supposed to protect our children is a money-making scam devised to take them and put them in foster care for profit. If you can’t afford a lawyer, do whatever you have to so that you can afford one. Sell your belongings. Donate plasma and save up the money. Somehow, someway, get an attorney. After my recent experiences I know that the only way to get through something like this is with a very good, very aggressive lawyer. I wish I could help more, but start with the police. When a crime is committed that is who you contact, and abuse is a crime.

  55. Stephanie says:

    Hi, My name is Stephanie, I am so happy to have found your site (by accident). I was served divorce papers last week from my husband, who left our marriage two years ago for someone he had been seeing for about a month prior to our separating. BLINDSIDED!!! He left me with our then 8 year old daughter. Once the hurt surpassed, he told me that he would see her every other weekend and would pay me $150 every other week. He skipped many weekends and skipped many payments. Anyway, now he is asking for custody of our daughter. His girlfriend (the same one) has talked him into screwing me royally if she paid for the divorce for him. So he is. He has a lawyer, I do not. I am broke. I have $80 to my name after bills. No one will touch my case or help me with filling out these papers. I responded back to his papers which he is even asking me for my tax refunds!!!!!! He sent me a back the answer to the counterpetition and he is not budging on the custody issue at all. In our marriage, the Sheriffs dept. was at our house several times responding to my calls about him being drunk and crazy. I plan on getting those records. My child’s attendence record since he has been away from the home has went from 14 days of absence to 1 day in the past 2 years that I have had her with me, alone. Her absences were due to severe asthma because her father smoked heavily and would not stop doing it around her. Now, when she visits, she still comes home smelling like an ashtray and when I got onto them about doing it in front of her, the girlfriend called me a “NUT”. The same was called to me when they dropped our daughter off to me with severe sunburn (have pictures) so bad that she had blisters all over her back, shoulders and chest. I was a Psycho also that day when I tore him a new butt for letting it happen to her. The same day, my daughter told me that she was left in a pool area with the girlfriends daughter and grandchildren and she was pushed in the pool. The daughter didn’t know what to do, so instead of jumping in the pool to save my child, she called my husbands girlfriend, who was down the street at the house with my husband, asking her if my child knew how to swim. She did not. My daughter said she yelled for help and no one jumped in, but cheered her on when she struggled to the edge to save herself. I have no idea how to represent myself, nor how to fill out any of these papers. In my response, I only put that I would like custody of our daughter because she has lived with me in the same home since birth, and also that I would like child support for the fair amount that the state of Florida requires. What can I do? I am afraid for my child’s safety from both of these people. I am afraid for my own safety, because this woman is a whole lotta drama and I am not used to dealing with that sort of thing. What is she capable of next?? Please, how do I protect us? Does anything I have mentioned hold up in court? Not being represented, how do I present my issues and concerns and when do I do I express them? Please help, i’m a mess!!!!!! And running out of time!!!

    • princessjd says:

      Sorry, I tried replying to you once and my computer shut down during the process and I had to start from the beginning again.

      Yes, you do have a right to be heard in court. First and foremost, make sure you document everything. Even if that just means writing dates and times in a notebook, document it. File police reports when you can. Get letters from witnesses if you can.

      You have a right to tell the judge what has been going on and a judge isn’t a lawyer. It’s not his job to give your husband his way. It’s his job to do what’s best for your son and that’s obviously being with you. So regardless of what your ex says, I wouldn’t freak out too much. Your ex’s lawyer is going to tell him what he wants to hear so he can get a paycheck. That doesn’t make it true. A judge has to take the best interests of your child into consideration. Considering the circumstances, both you and I know what that means.

  56. Debbie says:

    Hi.. My name is Debbie and I just wanted to share some of the events taking place with my son and get some advice on what I should do about them. First I want to say I am a Christian and so is my 5yr old son. He attends a Christian school and we also attend church on sundays and some wednesdays. His dad and I have been broken up for atleast 3 or 4 years now. He (my sons father is an alcoholic. He goes to the bar everyday.. He also is part of a family owned business and does very well financially although when his parents pass I’m sure that will no longer be there because of both kids being alcoholics. I have allowed My sons father to be there as much as he wants with my son because I know not only boys but children in general need fathers. We do have a temporary court order in place for him to get our son every other weekend although he usually calls the day of and says he cant pick get him cause of a meeting etc but then his car will be seen in front of the local bar and when he does have him he doesnt watch him because he is hung over etc. One time he left the house for over three hours and his friends found my son in a parking lot two miles aways from the fathers house. Now the latest is my son told me his dad brought him in a smoking bar and he sat on a bar stool drinking pop while dad smoked and hung out with his friends. (the father is friends with a lot of bar owners due to spending a lot of money in local bars) this is why I’m sure they didn’t make him leave with my five yr old. There is just soooo much he has done and I don’t know what to do anymore. yeah I could make a police report and I have in the past but that did nothing. He says if I try to take his son away He will make me “lawyer poor” and will spend every penny he has on taking him away from me. PLEASE HELP me, I really need some good advice. I would really like if his father could be a part of his life because my son loves him, but how do I do this where it is not hurting my son??? btw: I mentioned the smoking because my son has asthma and i the court papers it states he can not be around the smoking due to that. Thank u for any feed back or advice anyone may give.

    • princessjd says:

      First and foremost, divorces make people “lawyer poor” as do civil litigations. Custody cases rarely do. First and foremost, because you have the right to represent yourself. I don’t advise it. I always suggest getting the best lawyer you can find. But what I can tell you is this…

      Very rarely will a court grant sole custody to a father. In the state’s eyes it is best for the child to have access to both parents and most states want the child to be with the mother. The father, regardless of whether or not he brings in a Harvard grad lawyer, is likely never going to be able to take your son away from you. Only a judge can do that. And judges are going to look at the circumstances surrounding the situation. Which means the entire situation is likely to blow up in your ex’s face.

      Keep doing what you’re doing. Document everything. So nothing gets done when a police report is made. It’s still documentation that it happened. Then you go to court with that documentation and you take your child and keep your child safe, lawyer or not. Just make sure you get the opportunity to plead your case to the judge. If a judge heard what you just told me, he’d likely terminate the father’s rights.

      Again, I’m not a lawyer and can’t offer legal advice, but this is what I know from my experience and trust me I’ve had a lot of experience with attorneys. If I knew back at the beginning what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of stress and money.

  57. debbie lopez says:

    hi my name is debbie lopez i want to go against a judge because after seeing evidence i brought him of my babys dad he still allowed visitation and it showed he is a gang member and that he smokes and drinks too what can i do i will not let my daughter follow his steps and aside from that there is a kid in his home being abused and i also said that in the hearing and the judge didnt do anything about it

    • princessjd says:

      Hi Debbie. I am not a lawyer and I don’t know what state you live in, but I can tell you what I know from experience. In Wisconsin you have a right to request a new judge. You will need to find out how to do that in your area. But you do likely have a right to appeal the decision and have the case heard by a new judge. You may need to hire a lawyer to accomplish this. If you do, see if there is legal aid in your area if you can’t afford a lawyer of your own. Otherwise ask your local family court clerk what steps need to be taken to file an appeal and request a new judge.

  58. Victoria says:

    Hello, my name is Victoria. I just recently broke up with the father of my child, i have been wanting to join the army for a while now to make a better life for me and my daughter, but as a single mother i would have to give up full custody to do so. The father of my child all of a sudden starts threatening to”try” take my daughter away or not give his permission in court to let my mother have full custody of her until i get back. The whole thing is though is he has no home and stays with friend to friend, his mothers house is beyond unsafe which he always goes back to, and i am for sure hes into drugs and alcohol, he has no job and never even makes the attempt to try to see his daughter. I want this all to stop, how should i go about this? I just want the best for her and i know its not going to be with him.

    • princessjd says:

      If your ex is homeless, chances are no judge will award him custody. A judge’s job is to do what is in the best interests of the child. That means stability. A man without a home cannot offer that.

  59. Kevin says:

    Hello I just came across this blog and need to ask some advice. I am a father of a great 4 year old son who has started to have behavior problems ever since his mom started dated her boyfriend. Now he has been kicked out of 3 daycares. I have sent him to counseling and behavior clinics. Part of my problem is she has a hard time getting him to go to bed and stay there. I just recently found out that his room is in an upstairs Bedroom while there room is on the main level with another room next to it. I have asked them more than once to move his room because when he comes by me he tells me he doesn’t sleep because he is scared. (There is no bathroom up there so he has to walk down stairs in the middle of the night to use the bathroom) And also he just started to tell everyone he was going to shoot them and when we are out at the store he makes a gun with his fingers and pretends to shoot people. I found out that his mom’s boyfriend bought him some nerf guns and the setup his toys and shoot them. Are these safety problems? I am scared that something is going to happen to him and the behavior is just going to get worse. Please help

    • princessjd says:

      These are ethical questions, unfortunately, and not legal ones. Unless you can prove that the room he is using was never intended to be used for a bedroom, you don’t have much to stand on. If, however, the bedroom was not meant to be used as a bedroom you can get them on a safety violation. As far as the gun thing, that’s a personal issue. I believe in the right to bear arms. I also believe, however, that if you are going to give any type of gun to a child, including a nerf gun, you need to discuss gun safety with him or her. It doesn’t sound like this has been done, so this may be something you want to do on your own. On another note, if you can get the therapist to say that the environment is emotionally damaging your child, you may be able to get sole custody. That may prove to be a very long and expensive battle, however.

  60. Denise Deskins says:

    My very best friend has been raising her 14 year old niece for over a year now. Her mother is an alcoholic and drug addict. And there is all kinds of police reports to support this claim. She has been arrested 3-4 times for dui in addition to other charges. The area magistrate and police know this woman well. She has also been in the hospital for an overdose and threatening suicide. My friend is finally receiving the child’s SS checks (the father died a few years ago) and this did not go over well with the mother…(she no longer has money for drugs, alcohol and mandated court fines and attorney fees). She has been harrassing both my friend, her husband and the child. My question is what can she do now? There is no legal guardianship in place. They do not have money for an attorney and make too much for the free legal aid that is out there (she has tried). She’s about at her wits end. So far none of this has gone through CYS and they really want to keep it that way. Any suggestions on what she can or should do now?

    • princessjd says:

      Honestly? I would look long and hard for a lawyer that will take payment plans or save up for the retainer. It is very hard to accomplish anything without the help of an attorney.

  61. Lalatink says:

    I am the second oldest in my family of 11 my sister has moved out. My father drinks a 12 pack everyday and takes the few dollars my mom makes to buy the beer. Both of them work around 4-5 days and earn 200 dollars barely. When she comes home at 11:00 pm from the restarun he calls her a cheap witch/bitch. The start fighting in front of the kids even my 2 year old sister. I am tire of taking so much crap from them I want the custody of my siblings since they won’t grow up I already take care of them all day and cook and clean. I am 18 almost 19 is there any way I can take custody?? Pls help me

    • princessjd says:

      As an adult, you can petition to be the legal guardian of your siblings. You will need to prove to a judge, however, that your brother and sister would be better off with you and that you can financially support them. Your best bet is to do this with a lawyer. If you can’t afford a lawyer, I suggest researching the laws in your state and petitioning for legal guardianship on your own. I’m not an attorney so I can’t give you legal advice, but this is what I would do based on my past experiences.

  62. Stepmom says:

    My husband and I did almost all of that and 20k later, she still got the kids!! My advice: Pray for God to move. It’s your only chance for justice in this world.

  63. wayne yeager says:

    Hello, I just found this site and would like to post my situation and be honest about it all. Ill try to make it short the past and get to the point now. First i have 3 kids, 2 girls, 14 and 8, and a boy who is 12. I love them and have done evertyhing for them, Always. My ex wife and I were together 14 years and married 10. it was a messy divorce as she would not agree to anything. I took on all the debt pretty much, but thats okay. This divorce was 2007. I had lost my job at that time, which I had been employed for 10 years with. I got behind on my child support payments and I should have modified it then but with my background I had assumed Id make it up in no time. i took me about 8 months and found a good job. I paid about $1050/month for about 18 months and I had my 3 kids every other weekend. And I would also have them on weekends I wasnt supposed to as I was trying to help my wife while she was going out and having fun. the thing is I had supervision put on my custody, and the supervisor is my sister. I had a default judgment because i didnt show up to court, I never even got certified. i just went to Sheriff Office and got the papers and read them and called my ex and she said it would be no big deal they would remove that in few months. So knowing my ex, thinking she would never hurt the kids, I signed it. it got worse after that pretty much she controlled the whole thing, where we meet, when we meet, etc. My money was going to her out of my paycheck automatically, but she would yell and scream at me if it wasnt there in time. I could not help it, that was the company i work for and the state. I told her this and she knew she just wanted to be in control.. I started drinking ALOT during the week and i got a couple dwis and went to a state treatment program. it was a long one. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. while I was gone, as always my sister bought all their clothese, they come to our house every christmas for the entire holiday, for all of thanksgiving, easter, etc. My sister gave my ex plenty of money to help them out and my ex was fine. i came home in April, kids were ecstatic and we had a great weekend. they have always actually wanted to live with me but I having a traveling job it would have been hard to do. i was talking to them on FB everyday and then my wife got on my sons phone and starting texting me about child support and she wasnt going to let me see kids. she wont even let me talk to them without being on speaker phone. And just on Memorial day i told my oldest I loved her as she is wanting to come spend time with me. I also said we are doing all we can to work it out so they can come down again and my ex cut off the phone during that part of the conversation. I called back and she said you lied to me about child support. I just got out, and just sent money last Monday 20th, I checked online and it has cleared with the state but i guess she hasnt got it yet.

    We do have a lawyer, and we served her papers about a week ago, and she started posted about me being in jail, a felon. Her friends or so called friends I guess, emailed me some screenshots. My kids can read this stuff. but now she has removed her kids from her fb as her friends. My kids have always loved being with me and i can guarantee if it came down to it, they would tell any court they would want to be with me. I have never even spanked my kids, I have never even drank any alochol while my kids were with me, EVER.

    I have done my time, and she still want let us see kids. Shes threatening to have us arrested if we come to our m eeting place to meet the kids. My lawyer says shes just digging herself a hole but i dont like fact shes putting this stuff up on fb about us. We never have even mentioned my ex when my kids are here. They have been through enough. Im just trying to live a normal life and get back to the place I once was. yes, im behind on child support, but i can promise, she was fine while I was gone as my sister completely helped her. My dad co signed for a car for her, they gave her money. i just wich they would have gone through the proper channels. We can get check stubs, etc though and we will. She has 20 days to respond or we will be going to court.

    She is posting we are trying to steal the kids from her, and its just not true. We are just trying to to see the kids and get a standard possession order. My kids have lived with me during the summers, and i would meet my ex wife to pick my kids up alone and I was supposed to have my sister with me but I had told my ex many times that I cant get them this weekend (her weekends to have them) because my sister wont be here. I had my own house so she was not always there. but now she is saying we were contempt of court because my sister took my oldest daughter shopping and left me with my 2 kids alone. But its same as it always has been. My kids love me and I love them, My lawyer says it should be no big deal with how she is acting to just get a standard possession order to see my kids when we should and meet where we should, not always having to drive the entire distance. And that the supervision should be removed as well with no p roblem, at worst to put it on a probational period to have the supervision removed in few months.

    So what i want to know really is what are my chances of just having this standard possession order, and have supervision removed? There has never been any abuse or anything like that. Im so ready to be a father again and my sister and I both restrain ourselves from responding to her after we hear all the Facebook posts and the texts she sends us.

    Im sorry, so long and grammar so bad but it was long and I was trying to hurry! Thanks so much!

    WY

    • princessjd says:

      In most states, what your ex is doing is child abuse. And I would bring this up to the judge in court. One parent cannot speak against another parent towards the children in a divorce situation without it being considered mental abuse in many states. I’m not sure the laws of your state and I’m not an attorney, but it sounds like your wife either has reasons for not wanting you to be near the children or she is just a control freak.

      The fact of the matter is that it comes down to the judge. The judge will do whatever is in the best interests of the kids. You said you have a lawyer, and that’s good. You need one. Bring up the child abuse issue to him/her. Make sure the judge is made aware of it. Print out EVERYTHING you see online and bring it with you to court. Explain to the judge what is true and what is not, but prove that she is indeed slandering you where your kids can access it.

      In most states your kids would be old enough to state where they want to live. At least two of them are anyway. Have the judge ask them. If they want to live with you, you may end up with custody.

      Again, I’m not a lawyer and I can’t give legal advice, but if you are truly being slandered in front of your children it is mental abuse. That makes your case stronger right there. I would also recommend that you tell your ex that you want all communication from now on in writing, be it email or text. Save everything. Documentation is key in cases like this.

      Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. I literally get hundreds of emails.

  64. shing says:

    my sister helps me when I gave birth to my baby. she took care of her and she helps me send my baby to school.. now I’m old enough to tke care of my 5 year old child, I asked her that I will support her from now on and me and my childs dad will support her and send her to school,but she refuses to gave the child and days I’m an unfit mom. what will I do to get my baby back?

    • princessjd says:

      Shing,

      You need to understand the position of your sister. She raised your child as her own. Is it really in your child’s best interests to go back to you? Look deep into your heart. Does your child look at your sister as a mother? If so, is it fair to her to take her out of her home and away from the family she knows? Sometimes if you truly love someone you need to let them go so they can have a better life than what you can provide. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true.

  65. Amber says:

    Can you please contact me!!!! I desperately need your advice!!! I am the step-mother to an amazing 5 year old and his mother is unfit to say the least! I have pics and post from her IG and twitter about her out partying and of her smoking weed….. We give her child support and I pick him up from daycare and he never has socks on!!! He got scabies 5/4/13 we purposely didn’t pick him up for a month bc I knew she wouldn’t treat him properly we get him 6/2/13 he still has is I took him to the doctor 6/3/13. She doesn’t have a car or a stable living situation right now and we have offered to keep him but she won’t allow it she rather bounce him around to her friends house to sleep. We are not giving him back I refuse I just need to know what to do who to contact to make reports and get the ball rolling bc we can’t keep him and still afford to give her $600 a month and she doesn’t even have him! Please help desperate loving step mother! And can you please contact me privately I don’t want everything out on the Internet :(

  66. sarah louise says:

    Hello I was searcing google for some advice on family law and I came across this site I hope you don’t mind me leaving a comment for you as I need some good advice…Basicly this time last year I was in a relationship which was very aggressive both verbally and phsyically he stole from me and my son and left us with nothing when I ended the relationship…since then he jumped into a new relationship has a baby on the way and she also has a daughter…I allowed my son to have overnight contact as I stupidly trusted him as this was for my sons benefit and he has now kept him for 6months I’ve applied for a residancy order for my son to return back to me and court will be in a couple off weeks and I am so scared that because he has had him (without my consent) for so long they will go in his favor…he has a past drug addiction which I feel is still on going and there playing happy familys with my son when I feel he isn’t serious about the relation ship he only jumped into it to bother me but it diddnt and obs she fell pregnant and now he’s stook…but I have done evrything as a mother and he is making alligations against me saying I drink take drugs and would rather have a social life rather than have my son when this is not the case atall I love my son to bits and without him I have no purpose he really ruined our family and now he is doing this I’m just terrefied he will end up keeping my son forever and that would kill me…he has made me miss out on so much already in my sons development and this is not right it makes it even harder that I’m a manchester resiant and he lives in Barnsley please can you give me some advice on what to do to ensure or help with the return off my son please

    • princessjd says:

      Hi Sarah,

      The first thing I have to (am legally obligated) to say is that I am not a lawyer and I can’t give you legal advice. What I can do is give you insight from my past experiences.

      Now… When your son was taken from you did you go to the police and report his father for kidnapping him? Depending on the laws of your state and the viewpoint of the judge, this may weigh heavily in court.

      Second, you say you were in a relationship. Were you ever married to him? If so, what does the divorce decree say in regards to custody? If you were never married, was there a paternity suit ever established in court? If so, what did that say in regards to visitation? If the father has no documentation saying he has no rights to visitation, he may not have any. That does depend on the state that you live in, but in some states the mother has sole physical and legal custody until paternity is legally established. This means your son was kidnapped and not only could you get your son back, but your ex can go to jail for kidnapping. Now, I don’t know if this law applies in your state. What I do know is this… Take whatever information you have regarding your safety concerns, document them in a journal and bring them with you to court. If you can afford a lawyer, bring one of those too. I don’t care if you have to sell your car. This is your son. People with lawyers tend to win.

      Lawyer or not, chances are this is going to end up in family court where custody, visitation and other things will be decided and ordered. Those orders will have to be followed. When creating these orders, judges keep the best interests of the child in mind. That means contact with both parents.

      Now, on a final note, when you go to court go dressed as if YOU could be a lawyer. Wear a sharp suit. Hold yourself together. It’s okay to show emotion but don’t break down. Address the judge as “Your Honor” at all times and never interrupt. How you interact with the judge will have a significant income on how this turns out for you.

      I’m not sure how much that helps, but I hope it helps some. Feel free to contact me with any questions.

      • sarah louise says:

        No we were never married..we were together for around 6yrs and towards the end of the relationship he bacame aggressive/abusive mentally and physicaly he was stealing from our local shops & neighbours without my knowledge at the time to feed his drug habbit stealing from me and my son eventually I kicked him out & started to re-build myn and my sons life as he left us in a damaged home (due to him) and no financial support…I agreed for him to have my son for overnight contact but he decided to try and keep him for 3weeks so then I drove up to where he was with my family members and got my son…I stoped all contact and then in july (he met a new girl) we split in june..she was talking to me about her ex and how her daugther still sees her dad despite her hate for him so this made me feel guiltly for my son and I agreed contact again for my sons benefit this started in aug 2012 and was fine until they started to change his routine for eg I would put my son to bed at 8pm and they would put him at 6pm…me and my son had a lovley xmas I treated him as much as I could and on the 27th of dec he went for contact and I haven’t seen him since….we speak on the phone and that is it….my ex only gave me the address 4weeks ago and agreed for me to go and see him which I was saving for…as we live in diffrent areas…but he has told me that my friends and family have informed him that I was an unfit mother when this was not the case atall when my son went with his dad he had new cloths and xmas presants he took with him…I’m just scared that bcos of other peoples nose buttings that my son won’t return to me and advice is all I’m seeking I have got a solicitor but as I don’t work the govermant pays for this…as for my past I have no criminal records whereas my ex does with drugs ect…and also I was a single mother…he has his new gf who is supporting him a lot and I feel she is caring for my son more than his father is….which I don’t agree with I have been writting down why we split and what’s happend since and how I cared for my son things like that I’m just terrified if I loose him fully I will loose our home evrything I’ve provided my son with so far in his young life…I am in england and thankyou for listening to me I really appretiate it :)

  67. sarah louise says:

    I’m not sure if you got my reply or not? But basicly. The last time I saw my son was 27th dec 2012 when I took him to meet his dad at the station for his xmas period then he started acusing me of having a social life and not looking after my son when this was not the case atall…when I took my son to meet his dad he had all new cloths shoes and even his £60 xmas presant I brought him to take with him so you could see I was caring for him financialy….but he has accused me off neglecting him and now he’s had him for 6months left me in the home we all were once in struggling to pay my way because he’s got my son and my money has been deducted I’m scared when it goes to court they will be in his favor because off the time he has had my son….but that’s because he stole him and I coulldnt get him bk bcos he refused to give me the address…he says he has text messages off people to say how bad I was…and I’m scared this will help his case even tho the information is untrue!

    • princessjd says:

      Hi Sarah,

      I’m not sure how it works in the U.K. If I were you, I would go to the police immediately and say your son was kidnapped. If this man took him from you without permission from the court or without your permission then that is exactly what happened. That will make a big difference in the court date if things there work the way they do here.

      • sarah louise says:

        No I’m affraid I can’t call the police bcos he has just as many rights as me apparantly…he has had my son now for quite sometime…court is in two weeks & we have both applied for residancy….but he is acusing me off being an unfit mother when I am not and I’m scared I will loose my son full time I’ve been caring for him since he was born and now I can’t…I’m stook I cnt do nothing but wait….I know I am and was very capable off caring for my son but how do I prove this? I know my ex has been caring for him but so was I and its a case off who’s the best parent now! I’m only 22 my son is 4 this year…he was very happy and close with me and my ex has taken that away and is acusing me of neglect but he is lying and I’m terrified they will believe him as he says he has messages off people I know (who at the time we had a big fall out) and apparantly they have praised him and cursed me….I know I was a fit mother and so does my son….my ex used drugs and was arrested & charged for possesion off cannabis just before we split will this help my case so u think? I don’t deserve to loose my son through other people lying…I’m hoping they will asses me and my home so I can prove I am more than capable

    • princessjd says:

      I honestly don’t know how the laws work there. How it works here is that a judge would take the best interests of the child into consideration and determine a custody/visitation plan. All you can do is do your best to prove that your son is better off with you and explain the reason why your ex has him right now and you don’t. If I were you, I would demand to see my son and just take him if that’s the way things work out there. Tell the police you are not being allowed to see your son if your ex refuses. Your ex may have rights, but so do you. If you are not being allowed to see your son, your rights are being violated. That is, essentially, kidnapping. Even if your ex has a right to see your son, he does not have a right to keep him from you. At least that is how it should work. Again, I’m not familiar with the laws out there. You need to do everything you can to prove you are trying to get your son back. Contacting the police may be necessary if your rights as a parent are being stepped all over by your ex.

  68. Sherry says:

    My husbands ex wife has not let us see the kids in 4 months now! We call everyday. I am military and we are stationed 6 hours away but he drives down every other weekend to get them and she is nowhere to be found. He 42 consecutive summer days are coming up and I know she won’t give then up then either. We have called the cops everytime and all they do is make a report. I’m tired of the court system and how they are treating us and not helping. Not only that but the oldest just failed 1st grade. The mother never helps her and the youngest is in pre k and her teacher said she has been depressed here lately. Please help us! I need to get my step kids back!

    • princessjd says:

      What you need is a lawyer. Unfortunately, in most states, the courts won’t take your complaints seriously without one.

      • Sherry says:

        We have a had a lawyer since day one when they got divorced 2 years ago. But it doesn’t help. I believe its all about who you know what money you dish out in the little town im from. Apparently 10,000 isn’t enough

  69. jody morrow says:

    I need help I’m not a very smart man I work in the oil filled and sins my boy was born he has been my hole world my ex wife screms at him he is 3 and he tells me she hits him she just got arrested for P,O,C and I don’t think my kid need to b with her she always trays to use him to got money from me but I don’t like giving he money becous I don’t think it goes to my boy she don’t work her daddy pays her bills and people tells me she has a drug problem what can I do

    • princessjd says:

      First take your son to the police and have him tell them that she abuses him. They will take over from there. Abuse is a crime that should be reported.

  70. Jessi says:

    Hi, I’m just browsing through google for some answers. Not sure if I’ll get a reply but if someone’s trying to prove someone unfit and the other person documents everything they do in a good way will that prove they are fit? Or would they look stupid in court.?

  71. Jessi says:

    Like how would one prove there’s no concern of drugs and alcohol or no domestic conflicts or fighting? I have a friend needing advice.

    • princessjd says:

      Proving there is no alcohol is hard. Proving there is no drug use is easy if you have the money. Simply go to a lab that performs drug testing services and bring the results with you to court. As far as family dynamics, seeing a counselor and having the records admitted to court may be possible to prove healthy relationships.

  72. Diana says:

    I have a question someone please answer . my ex boyfriend and I dated when I was 15 he was 18 , he got arrested for battery assault and nearly killed a man just to steal his wallet and now has a felony on his record . I had no idea he was this crazy and would do something like that soon after I found out I was pregnant .i broke up with him as soon as I found out what he did He hasn’t been around through my whole pregnancy or through out my sons first year of life . He just got out of jail and told me that he would try to get custody over my son . I don’t want him to get custody , visitation , or anything . I want sole custody . I’ve been keeping a journal for my son basically about what we do and when he was born , kind of like a letter to him . I also have letters he sent me saying bad things . Could I get sole custody over my son and not allow him to see him ever? I don’t want someone who is capable to kill around my baby.

    • princessjd says:

      First of all, I would contact a rape advocate center in your area to see if they can offer you legal help. If you were 15 and he was 18, that is statutory rape. In some states, it is second degree sexual assault of a child, which is a felony. The child was conceived as a result of a sex crime, which in some states is enough to get parental rights terminated so you would have sole custody of your child. Not to mention, depending on the state you live in and how the criminal is charged, your son may be an adult before his father even gets out of prison. Contact any women’s abuse or rape center in your area and ask for help. You will need someone to prosecute for you.

  73. James says:

    My children are in desperate need of help.
    Let me get you up to speed with our situation. My ex and I have a shared parenting order, in which she was named residential custodian, as of Oct. of 2009. (Confident that i would have had full custody, were it not for my lawyer buckling like a belt at the last minute in court.) Anyhow, July 27th of this year, I filed a motion PRO SE, as I can, in no way, afford an attorney and am rather reluctant to after the performance of the last clown I hired on the low budget payment plan.
    Both of my sons, now ages 12 and 14 desperately want to live with me, due to their mother’s increasing negligence and violent, drunken boyfriends. They are simply fed up and both very badly want to talk to the judge and express their issues to her.
    In the motion filing, I requested that they both be interviewed by the judge, and listed my compaints as follows:
    1) Neither child has been taken to a doctor by their mother, for checkups of any kind in several years. (barring a sports physical last year for my 14 yr old. Which after a couple of football practices, she completely flaked on taking him and he had to quit because he had no ride.)

    2) Both children were kept out of school, alternately, to babysit their 5 yr old half sister. Both were kept out long enogh to garner truancy warnings from the school principal, that she simply ignored.

    3) After my sons told me about the truancy issue, their mother took away and sold their XBOX 360 game console and all their games, telling them that it was punishment for them “running their mouths to me” regarding the truancy letters.

    4) My 14 yr old was dropped off, by his mother, in the town they used to live in to stay with a friend, and the following day, she told him to try to find people to stay with for the remaining 4 days until I came to pick him up for visitation. The 2nd day there, a concerned parent called me to come get him because he had no clean clothes, no means of comunication, and no place to stay for the next 3 days. I of course left work early to go get him.

    5) My 14 yr old told me about his mother taking him and his 5 yr old sister into a head shop to buy a pot pipe for her boyfriend. When my son told her that he was uncomfortable being there, she told him, verbatim, “Relax, you will probably wind up smoking pot some day, too.”

    6) My 12 yr old son is forced to share a room with his 5 yr old sister. A situation that he is extremely uncomfortable with, as he has NO privacy.

    7) Both children have very little time to cement a relationship with my youngest son. (18 mo old, that I have with a VERY kind, caring and well adjusted woman. And a GREAT mother to all 3 of them.)

    8) Much better living conditions at my home, where each child has their own rooms, plenty of privacy, and quiet study conditions for school.

    And it doesn’t stop there! Since the filing, my ex felt that it would be a good idea to take my 14 yr old to a friends house with her and her boyfriend to drink. While at this house, she kept pressuring my son to drink with her. He kept refusing and eventually ignored her completely. One of her drunk friends seen my son “ignoring his mother” and grabbed him by the back of the shirt and drug him across the room and dropped him in front of his drunk mother. (Not sure his name, other then WEs, but he needs to pray I never get within arms reach of him!) Later that night, when she was to drunk to stand, according to my son, she and my son got a ride back to her house 15 miles away by a 17 yr old at the party, who had also been drinking. My son said the 17 yr old was the least drunk person there.

    And that brings us to the most recent screw up by our “Supermom”.
    After staying with me for nearly a month, (early July to early Aug.) she wanted them returned because she needed a sitter. I took them back. By this time, she had received her papers stating that I was taking her to court for custody and confronted my sons with their desire to move in with me. She flew off the handle at them and told them to pack their things because she was kicking them out. Told them that when I came to get them the following Fri., that they weren’t allowed back at her home. Needless to say, they were both very excited about getting out of that hellhole.

    6 days later, I show up to get them and they have all their possesions outside, ready to go. She waits until they have all but one box loaded into my van, and comes dowstairs flying of the handle at them, saying she changed her mind and they have to take everything back upstairs, and started begging me not to take her to court.

    She let them come with me for the week anyways saying she wanted them back the following Sunday.

    Here is where I start to have MAJOR problems with what is going on. I notice that my 12 yr old has insect bites up both of his arms and ask to see them. (i’m sitting nearly in tears typing this part) He proceeds to pull up his sleeves and pant legs to expose several hundred flea bites over his entire body! No exageration! I take them to my home and drop off my 14 yr old and toddler with my wife, and take my 12 yr old to the hospital to get treated for several bites that had drawn serious infection. At the hospital, He explains where the bites came from, and the hospital puts, in writing, that conditions need to be addressed at the mother’s home. He is perscribed an antibiotic and returns home with me.

    Enter: Children’s Protective Worthless. Two days later, I go to CPS armed with pictures of my sons flea ravaged body, hospital recomendations, and court papers. After an hour long conversation with a seemingly concerned case worker, I’m hopefull that someone will step in and get my sons the hell out of the situation they are in. So I wait. And wait. And wait. Nothing!

    It’s now the 18th of Aug,, school starts on the 20th, and I am desperately trying to find a way to keep my sons from having to go back. They are asking me to Please, not take them back. they want to stay with me and start school here. After calling a lawyer for advice, and being told that I cannot legally keep them, I call the Sheriff in hopes that he could somehow help. I get the same answer. So after being left with no choice, I took them back Sun night.

    My sons call me last night, begging me to get them out, because the flea infestation has only gotten worse, and now my 12 yr old has an even worse infection on his shoulder that isn’t responding to the antibiotics. I talk to the concerned parent mentioned earlier, whom has offered to go to court for me, and ask her to call CPS since they were stonewalling me.

    She calls in a report earlier today regarding these issues, since she has seen, first hand, the severity of my 12 yr old’s condition.
    They showed NO concern at all about the children, only how she knew me, were we related, and cited the whole case report as an orchestrated “revenge call” to help bolster my case in court. They decide to do NOTHING about his, Even after seeing what they’ve seen.

    I’m picking my sons up Fri. evening, and judging from the pictures of the massive infection on my 12 yr old’s shoulder, and a whole new set of bites rivaling the last ones, we will be making yet another trip to the hospital. It seems as if though my sons are going to have to be hospitalized for some horrible disease, or worse befor anything is done to help them.

    PLEASE HELP MY SONS!!!!!!!!

    • princessjd says:

      My advice to you is to get an attorney as quickly as possible. A good one. Not all attorneys are created equal. Trust me, I’ve met a wide range of attorneys ranging from completely incompetent to those who are very caring and will take a personal interest in your case. You need an attorney who will treat the case as if it were their own. If you can’t afford an attorney, look into your state laws and see if there is any way you can file a motion for immediate custody due to imminent danger to your children. You will need to prove to the judge that your children are indeed in danger at their mother’s and I believe your pictures will go a long way in court. I’m not sure which state you live in or the laws of your state, but many states have laws to address situations just like this one. Personally, I wouldn’t just go for full custody. I would try to terminate the mother’s parental rights if I were you. But that is a personal decision that only you can make. Even if you cannot afford an attorney, you may want to find one that offers free consultations. During the consultation ask the attorney if there are any laws you can use to your advantage to get immediate placement based on the danger your children are in. While you may not be able to retain the attorney who consults with you, at least you will know which direction to turn so you can file for yourself in court. As for CPS, they are worthless. They are basically child traffickers and usually won’t take interest in a case unless they foresee themselves getting the child or children into foster care so they can make money off of the child. Sad, but true.

      • James says:

        Just wanted to start by saying THANK YOU SO MUCH for the quick response! You’ve been the only one so far to give me a straight answer without wanting payment before telling me anything.
        I live in Ohio. I do know that this is one of the toughest states for a non-custodial father. I have a pre-trial confrence tommorrow with the pro se clinic at the courthouse. Do you think that would be a good time to request an emergency change of custody?
        I am, by the way, searching for an attorney to get a free cosultation with.

  74. Worn Out! says:

    What is said below is all opinion and cannot be used against me or anyone I care about in court:
    The reason I wrote that will become clear when you read below…This is meant for all of you step-parents out there that care and feel too deeply.
    I have read all of the stories above and I can honestly say that my kids and I and my husband have been through MUCH worse at the hands of my husband’s ex-wife. We did everything “right” and were told there is “no way” she will retain custody with what we had documentation that she has done, only to have it take so much precious time away from my children that I and they will NEVER get back, expose my children to so much nastiness that I could not protect them from at the hands of my husband’s ex wife, bankrupt me, ruin my marriage, ruin my sense of decency and justice in the court system, ruin my sense of security that law enforcement and CPS are there to protect and serve (that’s a joke!), and ruin any chance of me paying for my children to attend decent colleges (even though I work SO HARD and SO MUCH-more time away from my children) as I will be paying back my credit cards for what’s left of the failed custody battle for YEARS! I appreciate all of you telling people to document everything, but, it won’t do you any good. I am not a pessimistic person by nature but from what we have been through and continue to go through at the hands of my soon-to-be-ex husband’s (because my kids and I just can’t take the strife anymore) wife, documentation and lawyers will not do you any good unless someone is paid off to rule in your favor. If the mother has them, it does not matter to the courts that she committed adultery, abandoned her children, is off of per bi-polar medication because she claims her new man has cured her with his love and religion has saved her, says she trusts her new man when the kids accuse him of abuse, almost physically harmed my baby on my property because she was told “no”(the only reason she did not was because I was there to stop her and I am like a momma bear)-I had video but the police and CPS wouldn’t even file a report because “nobody went to the hospital”, dresses her children in clothes 3 sizes too small and lets them wear shoes with holes in them and no coat in freezing weather, takes the kids to therapy so you can pay ALL of their bill even though the court order says it should be split equally and then has them quit therapy as soon as the bill racks up and she finds out you are not legally obligated to pay it even though she has fraudulently tried to stick it to you in court and had it dismissed repeatedly, over medicates a child for a made up disorder when he just needs more one-on-one attention that we can provide even though we both work and she’s a full-fledged stay-at-home welfare mommy who is now home-schooling her children because according to my step-kids “the public schools are not good at all” when last year they said they liked their school until she moved them a few blocks away and is too lazy to drive them to their old school. even though a big part of her custody battle argument was that her children were in great schools that they were comfortable and excelling in, leaves them home alone as young as 5 years old when she goes to “meetings” -sometimes not leaving the front door unlocked for them to get in so they have to wait on the porch for at least a half hour in a suburb of a big city(real safe!-sarcasm), using any lie she holds in her arsenal to get herself to look good and you to look bad with complete lies so she can play victim at EVERYONE else’s expense (I was not raised that way!), and the list goes on and on… My husband’s ex did and continues to do so many illegal things, (barring drugs to our knowledge), manipulates, lies, abuses the court system, her court order, and even her own children both allegedly physically and through, in my opinion, over medicating my youngest step-son, all-the-while the poor little guy at less than 9 years old explains to me that he is on “good drugs” when I KNOW he does not need them-It is all too much!!!! Court orders mean nothing to people like this, the various law enforcement agencies yell at you and tell you to take her back to court when you call them because the other party is violating the court ordered visitation repeatedly when you drove over 12 hours to get there. Don’t bother hiring a custody evaluator if the mother already has the children and isn’t a blatant drug addict. They will not be on your side, even if your situation is healthier for the children. And if you have children of your own that are not named in the custody battle, they will be put through HELL! NOBODY in the justice system cares about them. No matter how hard you try to protect them, they will suffer and see the most. And don’t get me started on child support! That is one of the most corrupt systems in our country designed to reward lazy women who spread their legs and want to use their children as little money makers. I know I will get backlash from that one but I am a mother who has and is raising children without child support EVER and has had to actually PAY my husband’s ex-wife child support WHILE we had their children and had to buy them clothes, feed them, and house them because it is up to her to say she doesn’t want the support. (He works full-time but she takes so much that there’s not much left over for us). Her response was “You are going to owe me anyway, you might as well owe me more.” People like this, evidently, do not care about their children’s welfare. I have heard SO MANY stories like this over the years. It’s disgusting. Our country rewards lazy, manipulative welfare mommies! I work AND I spend all of my free time, and then some, with my children. I don’t have the luxury of staying at home watching soap operas like they do while they medicate their children so they don’t have to change their parenting behaviors and actually RAISE their children. I have to pay for them. Then I get to listen to all of the smack that comes out my step-kids mouths that their mother put in their poor little heads. I am not rich, I am educated, and I am FED UP! It is hard to force yourself to keep your mouth shut and try to tell yourself you don’t care and let your husband deal with all of it when you just want to shake their mother and scream “What is wrong with you!” No matter what happens, if you are married to someone with an ex like this, Get out! Your life and your children’s futures will be ruined. You will pay and pay and pay when you did nothing but care and try to help… (Honestly, I am afraid she will see this and figure out who wrote this and take me to court and try to sue me because that’s what she does but people need to know that it is a road to hell you are contemplating journeying. I have and am still living it). I did it because I loved him and he is GREAT Dad-but at what cost…Our marriage is all but over but we are friends, roommates, and great co-parents. There are plenty of fish in the sea without a psychotic ex. It is getting to be less and less but they are out there…Maybe…Not for me…I am done-I am too old. I wish you all better luck.

    • princessjd says:

      I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. If the case was handled in a different area you may have had a different experience. But I know all too well that sometimes the only way to win is with an envelope filled with cash. I’ve seen it over and over. That aside, I want to say, if you get in trouble for posting this on my blog, contact me immediately. This is a place for freedom of speech. I won’t tolerate that bullshit. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. When the justice system fails, you have to take matters into your own hands. I don’t like playing down to the level of someone like your husband’s ex, but I do have a few tricks of my own. If you need help, feel free to contact me.

  75. estrella1982 says:

    I found your blog by accident. Or maybe by divine intervention.
    …. Here is my situation, and what I am currently in the process of doing….

    I had a daughter at 15. I allowed my mother to adopt her when I was 18, and she was almost three. She has always known I was her mom, real mom as she says. She is now 15. Pregnant.
    Let me back up. Throughout her time with my mother, (her legal mother as she likes to throw in my face- my mom that is) my mother has often given her back to me for weeks to months at a time, claiming she can’t handle her, or needs help or whatever. It has gotten worse in the past 7 years. She spent a year with my sister, then back to my mom, then six months with my brother, then back to my mom, then to me for six months, then back to my mom, then my brother, then my mom, then my dad, then my mom again….. She always says she doesn’t want her, can’t handle her, or whatever. A few weeks ago, she once again, told her, take her… can’t do it anymore. And we spoke about legal possibilities. I pick her and as much of her things as I can get in my car. The next day, my mom picked her up for an appointment. In the car, she backhanded my daughter and busted her lip open, then punched her a few times in the side and arms. She threatened to call her PO and have her placed in Dentention Center, all because my daughter was texting me. And didn’t want to talk to my mom. She has a history of being angry, and in my opinion emotionally abusive. She’s given my daughter her ambien (prescribed sleeping meds) to make her sleep at night. We have proof of emails, and so on. There is just so much to list.
    Anyways we filed a protection order against her, which is currently in place. We go back to court on the 10th, and we (me and my oldest sister) filed for guardianship of her. My daughter, being older than 14, also signed the paper, saying she wanted to live with me. We go on the 30th for the guardianship. I hate to not go through with the protection order or the judge denies it and have a lap of time where my daughter is forced to move back in with my mom. My daughter wants nothing to do with her, never wants to see her again. I did not press charges, but I did file a report, and the police took pictures of her lip and some scratches she had. I contacted children services, who say they will leave the case open until guardianship is established. I do have the domestic violence charge over her head. She isn’t complying. After all these years of tossing her aside, now she wants to fight and try to show shes this loving, caring mother.
    A couple things, she allowed a man who said he was in love with my 10 year old sister to move in our home, and he molested me a few years later, when I was 10. Also, she gave me and my brother medicine, over the counter to put us to sleep. These are just some things we can use against her. But thats her history with me. She also doesn’t have a job, and I’ve had to pay for school clothes, fees, etc in the past. and currently, while she’s been here with me. (which is no big deal… but its just a point, that she can’t provide for her)
    On the down side…..
    I am a felon. And only have 18months sober. But I’m doing well, (better than any other time in my life) and have my pastor, sponsor and few well known people in the community writing letters for me to take to court with me, on my behalf. The primary hearing, they tried to say that I was involved in drugs when I gave her up for adoption, which wasn’t the case. I’m sure I can use all my moms past against her (and her current domestic violence) but I’m afraid my past will haunt me too. I’m not worried, I’m not that person anymore, and my sister who has never had a speeding ticket, has a huge house, cars, jobs, a military husband who is well known in the community as well, is filing with me, as a co-guardianship.
    What advice can you give me, on how to proceed? What to possibly expect? Anyone? Any thoughts are acceptable.
    Also the judge order counseling for my mother and my daughter. I am to drive her, not my mother. That makes me feel like she might not go through with a protection order. But like I said, we have plenty of evidence, and I can give more details if asked. Thanks for any thoughts and offers of advice.

    • princessjd says:

      Okay, this is the best advice I can give you. I am not an attorney but I suggest you get one. You will need one to fight in court to terminate your mother’s legal parental rights to your child. You should also document everything. Report the abuse you witnessed to the police. Past mistakes may haunt you, but a judge is more likely to focus on your current situation and status in the community. Everyone makes mistakes. Your past should not be held against you. With that being said, using your mother’s history won’t work either. You need to focus on current facts. Documentation will be key. Document everything and take pictures of any bruises or injuries that your mother has inflicted on the child.

  76. helpme2014 says:

    I have protective order against me by my wife, but she went and change the password on a bank account that BELONGS TO ME ONLY, is this a violation of the Protection Order.
    Also could I file a Protection Order On Behalf of my Children If she has a OPEN CASE WITH CPS WITH PRENATEL NEGLECT and when I AND A POLICE OFFICER went to the house to get the rest of my Items smelled the USE OF DRUGS COMING OUT OF THE HOUSE. ISN”T THIS RESONABLE GROUNDS TO GET A PROTECTION ORDER AGAINST HER ON BEHALF OF MY KIDS.

    • princessjd says:

      I’m not a lawyer so I can only tell you what I know from my personal experience. Changing the password on a bank account is not a violation of a protective order in most states since it does not involve any contact with you. If you live in a marital property state, then the account is equally hers as well as yours regardless of whose name is on it. This is what many people don’t understand. Anything you own is half hers if it is a marital property state, such as Wisconsin. If, however, your state is not a marital property state, then your wife committed identity theft and potentially felony theft. You should file a police report with your local police department if this is the case. The bank may even be able to get back any money that was spent without your authorization if you do not live in a marital property state.

  77. Jess says:

    I have been with my husband for 2 years now and he has a now 3 year old son with his ex. And I must say it has been a long frustrating 2 years just trying to protect him. My step sons mother is a couple months younger than me but acts immature and likes to hang out with younger friends like high schoolers. (We are both turning 23 soon) We document as much as we can. We have a journal that we write in and also take pictures and copy things from her Facebook. We have heard many reports of her partying with her friends in high school and that my step son spends all his time with his grandma because she’s out with friends and what not. (And not to mention he only ever mentions anything about his grandma. When we drive past his moms apartment he asks about his grandma. When we take him to exchange him he asks if he will see his grandma.) She goes out and drinks every weekend and personally know that she likes her mikes hard lemonades when she’s not at the bars. (We have him 50% of time and always on weekends) There have been a few times where she posts pictures of drinks in her hands and parties while he is in her care. I know she’s a single mom and does have to work but it’s when she prefers to work that bothers is. She has a couple jobs in restaurants so you think she would want to work weekends when she doesn’t have her son and when it’s busy. But she saves her weekends for drinking and works when she has him in her care. She will not show up to his dentist or doctor appointments no matter how much notice she has. We always get a text last minute saying she just got called into work or when she was pregnant she used the excuse she was going into labor ( at 32 weeks and somehow still was late). When she sent us a text for his 3 year checkup we decided to see if she was home or not an hour later since she said she was leaving right then. And surprise surprise she was home. She is the kind of person that no matter what she will put herself first. She is constantly having new boyfriends or interests and sometimes several at a time. We have noticed that she will buy herself new clothes (never used and expensive brands) before she will buy my step son anything (and usually always second hand, too small, and/or cheap brands). She fakes and bakes, gets tattoos a lot, gets her nails done, hair colored, etc. She always makes sure she looks like a model and he looks like a poor child. We’ve also seen a lot that she likes to bad mouth my husband and I on Facebook a lot to make us out to be horrible people and we apparently just want to hurt her. There are a few more things but this is already a book. Can you give us some pointers on the most important and little things that will help build our case to help our little boy? She also refuses to listen to recommendations and orders from doctors and dentists (which is stated in the custody order that both parties must) and smokes heavily and he cannot be around smoke due to health reasons. Last year we had a restraining order on her because he came to us with a nursemaids elbow and 2nd degree burn. To this day we have no idea what happened just the lie that she told us that the doctor proved wrong. We worry about his health and well being everyday and want this battle to be over.

  78. Heather says:

    I have a situation with my step-kids’ mother. My husband and I have joint custody with their mother, but they live with us. She had them for spring break and on the day we went to pick them up (900 miles away from where we live) she told us she refuses to give them back. Her reasoning is because her doctor said he my stepson has a heart condition and we didn’t get him treated or in to see a cardiologists. We told her that our doctors never caught anything so we didn’t have a concern. Well she still refused. We now have to take her back to court for the 2nd time, as she has tried pulling something like this before). We provided our medical records for him showing the doctors all say he is healthy and everything is normal. She called Child Protective Services on us for medical neglect, but they said they see no neglect. When we go to court do you think they will see us unfit since we didn’t catch anything wrong like she did? Very worried!

  79. Oliviah says:

    So Im having difficulty here. My 3 year old daughter is displaying unusual mood swings and is highly emotional. My ex husband and I have split custody 50/50 for now. When she is with him, 16 out of 24 hours a day for 5 days a week. she is in the care of his mother. Im enranged because, that could be my time–im a SAHM. However I cant babysit because we live and hr and a half apart. I feel as though my daughters welfare isn’t being put first. Its bad enough shes being shuffled between our two homes, but then to add his mother into the mix–its to much! IDK what to do. Oh and he wont let me talk to his mother about what her schedule is or If she watches my daughter longer than even the 16 hrs. I thought legally im entitled to consult with someone who is my daughters child care provider.

  80. Mel says:

    I have a fiance who has three children. One boy and two girls. I have been in the picture since 2011 with the children. I had gotten very close and attached to them. We all interacted as a family unit when they were here for visitations. I have three children of my own and they all got along so great. At first the X had no problem talking to me about the children and allowing me to pick them up when mynfiance worked late. As time went on, I noticed that the children weren’t being taken care of as they needed to be. Their clothes stayed dirty the girls hair was never fixed and they always talked of the mom’ s boyfriends moving in and out.
    Many event occurred but the last saw was when we discovered from the children that the mom’s boyfriend was spanking the girls…only the girls. My fiancé did not like this and neither did I. It just didn’t seem right. My fiance confronted the mom and she began yelling that those were “her”, children and he didn’t get a say and that the boyfriend was given permission by her to spank them. Instead of addressing the father’s concerns she turned it around on me. Claimed that I yelled at her youngest daughter so badly I made her cry. This was in no way true. Since then, she has refused him visitation since November of 2013.
    We just heard from the kids this week to discover that they have had no power for over a week and their home is infested with fleas and bugs so badly they can’t stay there. I recorded the conversations and have concrete proof of these things. I also have that she threatens to spank the children if they are caught talking to their dad on the phone.
    Needless to say I have reported her for many things through DEFACS among FRAUD. She is also trying to get him for more child support money PLUS daycare costs. They don’t even attend day care, their grandmother with whom they are staying with watches them.
    This is going to be a.long fight but we are so tired of hearing of these gifts of miracles having to live a life like this.
    Any advise or direction will be appreciated! Thanks for hearing my rant! It could go on and on but these are the rough edges of things. Thanks again!

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