I know this is totally off topic, but I’m still best friends with a guy I was best friends with in high school (that’s a long time for those of you who know me and my age). For those of you who don’t know my age, I’ve been 29 for a very, very long time. We were talking the other day and it made me thing of this topic. But I digress…
To all of the pre-teen and teenage girls out there right now, let me tell you something my mother never told me. And God I wish she would have because it would have made a couple years of my life so much more endurable.
You are beautiful. You may not think you are right now. And right now you may be right. But you will, I promise, at some point in your life, blossom. Some of us blossom early (as did my 14 year old daughter and part of the reason I posted this) and some will blossom late.
My 14 year old daughter when through a “lurpy” stage when she was younger, where she swore she would never be super-model pretty and hated her looks. Now, I can’t take her out of the house without guys looking at her (include much older men who should keep their eyes to themselves) and sometimes I stop and look at her and say to myself, “How in God’s name does she look at 14 almost exactly how I looked at 19?” Yeah I’m getting a shotgun this weekend.
The point is, no matter what you look like right now, don’t let it ruin what should be some of the best years of your life. Kids (and people in general) can be mean. Cruel even. And looks play a large role in how you are treated because we live in a superficial capitalist society (you’ll learn more about that in college). And those girls who are mean to you? Well my sister was an early bloomer who thought she was “the shit” and now she couldn’t get a boyfriend if her life depended on it because later on in life, after you blossom, your personality is going to count just as much as your looks and those early bloomers who were treated like gold at your age, just because of how they looked, are already going to be fading and their personalities aren’t going to get them very far. Mean people just suck and they don’t get far. It’s true.
So what does this have to do with you? If you’re being picked on, bullied (or cyber-bullied) or just think you aren’t pretty enough, I promise some day you will bloom into the beauty (inner and outer) that you were meant to become. It happened to me (and I will admit I abused it) and it has happened to every woman I know at some point in her life. We all bloom and blossom and we all eventually fade. Had I known in junior high or high school what I know now, I would have done things a lot differently. I wouldn’t have bent over backwards to “fit in” and do the “popular” thing. I would have done whatever the hell made me happy because years from now those girls are going to want to be your friend anyway because of who you become. But that’s the key. You need to motivate yourself to become the best you possible. Don’t starve yourself to death, but eat healthy. My daughter is 14 and gorgeous and she thinks she’s fat. She’s a size 8. That, my dears, is not fat. Marilyn Monroe would have been considered fat in today’s day and age. So why do you feel fat if you’re not? Because, again, you live in a capitalist society that tries to dictate your thoughts and the image of beauty that is forced in your face every day is unattainable but, hell, it sure gets you girls (and grown women) to fork over money for diet pills and health club memberships.
Remember, always, that beauty is subjective and what is most important is how you treat people. Because beauty comes and goes, but how you treat people will stay with you for life. And the girls your age who are so beautiful it makes you green with envy? They have their own problems. As I said, my daughter was a rather early bloomer. Yet she’s also bi-polar and prone to severe mood swings and serious bouts of rage and depression with a temper that is quick to flare. So remember, no matter what the packaging looks like, no one is perfect. Be happy with who you are and focus on your strengths, not what society deems your strengths should be. Do what makes you happy, and find friends that don’t give a damn about the packaging and keep them close when you do bloom (that is going to be the hard part) because at that point, everyone will want to be your friend and not all friends are created equal.
Bottom line? Before you know it you’re going to be stressed with a mortgage and worried about making partner at some firm or climbing the corporate ladder or even just providing for your family. Don’t take this time, when you should be having fun and enjoying every minute of life, and waste it on worrying about whether or not you measure up or if you’ll ever be popular. Because once you graduate high school, none of that crap matters. If you haven’t bloomed yet, you will, and when you do remember who your real friends are and remember how you wanted to be treated before you did, and treat all others that very same way. It will, inevitably, pay off much better than trying to fit some mold now that you were never meant to fit.
Beauty is subjective, and always will be. Just smile. You never know who is falling in love with your smile and your personality and trust me, you don’t want a guy who just wants to date you or be with you for your looks alone.
You are beautiful. The only problem is others, and possibly even you, don’t see it yet.