God How I Hate Her

Posted: December 24, 2010 in Rants and Raves

For all of the women in the world who have the “pleasure” of being married to a husband with a crazy, self-centered, rage-inducing ex-wife — this goes out to you!

If you asked me which person I wanted to see most at the bottom of the Chicago River, it would be my husband’s ex-wife. I could have it done. Trust me. But I won’t. Why? Because I am trying very, very hard to be a good girl. There is this thing that I was born with (which is quite inconvenient at times) and that thing is called a conscious. No matter how much I hate this woman. No matter how selfish, immature and disgusting she may be, she is still the mother of my step children and I just can’t seem to bring myself to wish serious harm on her. I want her to pay for what she’s done to her kids, but I don’t want her hurt. Some of those I associate with think that is a sign of weakness. I like to think it is a sign of having a soul.

Why do I hate this woman so much? First of all, she played me for a fool. When my husband and I were going through difficulties she was more than willing to be a “shoulder to cry on” and tell me how horrible my husband (her ex-husband) is and how wonderful and innocent she is. She made herself sound like mother of the year and had me believing that my husband’s kids were better off with her.

For the record, my husband was having some issues at this time. He had a drinking problem and I did not think it was a good idea for the kids to be around while he was overcoming it. I agreed with his ex-wife when she said that the kids did not need to be around an alcoholic environment. I had a hard time being around it myself. I love his kids. I want what is best for them. With that being said, I am happy to say that my husband has been sober for ten months now. Hasn’t touched a drop, nor does he want to. I am very proud of him.

My husband’s ex has been the source of many an argument between me, my husband and my family. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in my family (including my husband) had tried telling me I was being played for a fool. I was told that this woman was selfish, immature and an unfit parent. I, however, was suffering from temporary insanity and kept defending her — even standing up against my family to do so. If you knew my family, you’d know that standing up against them is never a smart or easy thing to do. I am supposed to be a good girl. I am supposed to do what I am told. When I do what my family wants, I get rewarded. When I don’t, I have “privileges” taken away (money, cars, etc.). So there I am, like a total idiot, putting my foot down for what I think is right and insisting that this woman is a wonderful mom and that the kids are better off with her for the time being. I kept telling myself that the hardships I faced because of this were for a good reason. The kids were safe and happy and everything would be fine. What an ass I was.

When did I realize my husband’s ex-wife was not the innocent person who she claimed to be? When did I realize I had been defending her in vain? When the kids came and visited us over Halloween.

My husband loves his children. They live in Utah, we live out by Chicago. Up until we got together my husband also lived in Utah. However, my family wasn’t too happy about me leaving the safety of Chicago and when I tried moving out to Utah I ended up coming back to Chicago to avoid total chaos. My husband came with me to get his shit in order, so to say. It wasn’t so much living in Utah that my family had a problem with. It was living in Utah without their protection and being with an alcoholic man. I can’t blame them. We came to Chicago and are doing better because of it. Unfortunately, we couldn’t bring his kids with us at the time, as I explained above. However, my husband talked everyone in to letting his kids visit over Halloween and there was no reason not to. He had been sober for a long time and he missed his kids. My family paid to have them flown out here for a week.

While the kids were visiting, both his son and daughter broke down crying. They did not want to go back home to Utah. Now, understand, at this point I had no idea their mother was such a bitch. I was still deluded into thinking she was mother of the year, okay? My bad.

So both kids are crying they don’t want to go back to Utah. I am freaking out thinking they can’t just leave their mom. I promised her they’d be on a plane back to Utah when they were supposed to. She had been worried if they came out to Chicago they wouldn’t be going back. I assumed she had nothing to worry about. I told her I wouldn’t let that happen. Again, at this point I’m thinking she’s a great mother. Everyone in my family including my husband is saying not to put them on a plane to Utah. I get on the phone with his ex and explain to her that the kids don’t want to go home. That was not a fun conversation. I promise her I will get them on a plane but tell her she needs to start paying more attention to the kids or they are just going to want to come right back out here again.

The kids get on the plane, go back to Utah and guess what? Nothing changes. This woman pays no attention to her kids. From what I’ve been told she rarely even tells them she loves them. My husband’s teenage daughter is nothing more than a live-in babysitter and maid for this bitch. She leaves them alone all the time so she can go drinking at bars. The other night, on a school night nonetheless, she leaves the house at 5 at night and doesn’t get back till 3 in the morning while this poor 14-year-old girl is stuck babysitting. It happens all the time from what I’m told.

So what’s the outcome? I finally had to agree that I’d been had. I stopped fighting my family and apologized profusely to my husband. The kids are coming out here on December 26th and will be enrolled in school here. This “mother” is acting like it is so horrible that she won’t be seeing her kids for months on end, but she still spends more time drinking at bars than she does with them. Nice huh? And I’m the bitch. Right.

I’ll keep you updated as to this situation. And later I’ll tell you how my husband’s sister is just as bad as his ex. In fact, I wonder if my husband and his older and youngest brothers are adopted. Because let me tell you, his sister and one of his younger brothers are total asshats. You think your family has drama? I haven’t even hit the tip of the iceberg yet. There’s more to come.

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