What Drives a Person Mad?

Posted: December 25, 2010 in Rants and Raves

I used to be a very sane (for the most part), sensible and non-violent person. Don’t get me wrong. I was never a pacifist. I have trained extensively in martial arts. I know how to shoot a gun. I just don’t believe in senseless violence and I have never been one to anger quickly — until recently. Recently, something in me broke. Me, the constant voice of reason for those around me… Somehow I have become the “screw them all and let God sort them out” vigilante of the family. Never thought I’d see the day, honestly.

What drives a person to get to this point? What brings a person to the point where they refuse to take another ounce of shit from anyone? I guess I just got sick and tired of people being fucked with.

The funny thing is, it’s not me who is being fucked with. For the most part, no one really has the nerve to fuck with me directly. Not because I would do anything about it. I wouldn’t have to. Somehow, if someone fucked with me, my father or grandfather or one of my uncles would have a holy shit fit. The few people who have fucked with me have lost jobs and other things because of it. I’m not proud of that fact. It’s just the way it is.

So if no one is fucking with me, what caused me to reach my breaking point? To sum it up, people fucking with people I care about. Heck, some of it had to do with people fucking with people I don’t even know. My husband’s ex-wife played a big part of it. She fucked with my husband, but that wasn’t what did it. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. She fucked with his kids. That pissed me off. To make a long story short, she fucked with his kids after I had given her the benefit of the doubt and actually stuck up for her on more than one occasion. She made an ass out of me and has been emotionally hurting her children in the process. Hurt a kid, I’ll hurt you. It’s just the way I am.

Then I was in the store the other day. Some jackass in front of me was treating the store clerk like maggots on crap. Why? Because the scanner thingie was rejecting his check. Sorry fucktard, it’s probably happening because you’ve bounced more than your fair share of checks. Don’t take it out on the minimum wage clerk who doesn’t get paid nearly enough to deal with your verbally abusive bullshit. Poor girl.

That night, as I was laying in bed thinking about the day at the store and all of the things my step-kids are going through and all of the bullshit and injustice in this world, I just broke. I started crying and then, after the tears stopped, I got really, really pissed. Not the “hot temper throw something and punch a pillow and then feel better” kind of pissed. This was a “cold” pissed. I don’t even know how to explain it. It was pretty much a “if you fuck with someone who can’t stick up for themselves or fuck with someone I care about I’m going to fuck you up” kind of pissed. It’s not Christian of me. It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s not something I even really understand. I just know that something in me changed that night. I am no longer the voice of reason in my family. I don’t know if I ever will be again.

The point of this post? I don’t know. Maybe there are other people like me out there. Maybe it’s a way to reach out to them. We’re not alone. Maybe it’s a warning. A warning to all of those who like to wreck havoc on the lives of others. A warning to those who would hurt the innocent and weak. Think twice before you do it, because someone out there — someone stronger, more powerful and more connected than you is going to fuck you up if they find out about it.

There is too much injustice in the world. It needs to stop.

Comments
  1. I guess I thought I was just going through a mid life crisis, because I’ve become the same way. I just can’t be silent anymore. I feel bad sometimes, like I’m a bitch, but I hate to see people take advantage of others.

    Right now I want to lash into the inlaws for the way they are treating of the woman married to their kid. They are all treating her like vermin and I just want her to give me the go ahead to light them up. Ugh.
    Seems the whole family , including her husband is against her and I’m the only one standing in her corner.

    Oooh it’s on!

    • princessjd says:

      Yep. It’s not a mid-life crisis. It’s you being fed up with the bullshit. 🙂 Do what’s right and don’t stand for anyone’s crap. If enough people start sticking up for what’s right in this world then maybe it will slowly become a better place. Merry Christmas!

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