A Bit of an Explination

Posted: December 26, 2010 in Misc

I know I’ve made more than a couple posts about my husband’s ex wife. I’ve made it very clear how I feel about this woman, but in my rantings I am not sure that I have completely explained why. This probably leaves you, my readers, wondering what in the world my problem is. Why do I hate this woman so much? What did she do to me? Let me explain a few things.

To completely understand why I despise my husband’s ex wife you need to understand a little bit about my family. I have always been close to my family. We are a tight-knit group and until I met my recent husband we rarely ever fought amongst ourselves. Then my husband came into the picture and it created a bit of drama (it’s always hard to bring outsiders into our group). When my husband and I were going through some problems my family became divided. Some of my family members wanted me to leave him. Others wanted me to stick by him. Somehow, in the midst of all of this, my husband’s ex wife became a sounding board for me. Big mistake.

I trusted the things this woman told me. She made it sound like my husband was not a fit parent. At the time, he did need to recover from an alcohol problem, which he was able to do and I am very proud of him for it. He has been sober for more than 10 months now. Anyway, my husband’s ex was adamant about the fact that he would always be an alcoholic. Part of me wondered if she was right. She was also adamant about the fact that my husband was not a good father and that she was left with the burden of being the responsible parent. I believed her when she told me she was a good mother. I believed her when she told me she did not have a drinking problem. I defended her to my family and when things got ugly and my husband wanted to take the children from her, I actually sided with his ex-wife. As a result, my family was split once again. The family members who trusted my judgment sided with me. The ones who knew better sided with my husband. I wish I had been smarter.

My family was split down the middle over lies. Lies I believed and, because I believed them, I had other family members believing them and siding with my husband’s ex-wife. Why were we siding with her? She made it sound like she really cared about her kids. Like she really had their best interests in mind and that she was a stable, responsible parent. Well, my family members who were not siding with me wanted me to see the error of my ways and had some people follow her for a while. I know, it’s odd, but it’s their way.

So what was discovered while this woman was being followed? She is worse than my husband ever was. She leaves her kids alone for all hours. To work? No. To run errands? No. To go to PTA meetings? Absolutely not. My step-children are left alone for hours at a time while their mother goes to the bar and gets drunk. She goes out to eat leaving the kids at home to eat raman noodles. She goes out bowling, leaving the kids home to fend for themselves. She goes out to the bars to get drunk, leaving my 14-year-old step-daughter in charge of an 8-year-old boy and a toddler till 3 in the morning. Not once, not twice, but frequently. Seems that spending time with her children is not as important as singing karaoke at gay bars.

Now, I tend to be a “live and let live” person, but when you tell me one thing and I give you my loyalty and defend you and split my family down the middle doing it, I expect you to be honest about the type of parent you are. I do not expect you to be a raging alcoholic and a horrible parent and then use me to get your way. I do not like being lied to, but worse, I do not like my family being hurt because of those lies.

So why did she want her children to stay with her and not with their dad? Because if my step-daughter and step-son live with us, my step-daughter will not be there to babysit for her toddler from her second marriage. Without a babysitter, how is this woman going to go running to the bar every other night? She uses my step-daughter, her own child, for her own purposes. I didn’t believe it at first. I didn’t want to believe it. But when the proof was put in front of my face I couldn’t deny it anymore. I let my family down. I let my husband down. I fell for the lies of a very good manipulator and I regret it. I am angry. With myself and with my husband’s ex-wife. I am angry at her for being such a shitty mother and I am angry at myself for believing the bullshit she fed me.

I will, from this point forward, do everything I can to make things right with my husband and my step-children. I am so sorry I left them in that type of environment. I had no idea. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. And I will never, ever, ever believe another word that comes out of that woman’s mouth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s