Why Do I Do This to Myself

Posted: January 4, 2011 in Misc, Rants and Raves
Tags: , , , ,

How many times have I said in the past few weeks that I will no longer stick my neck out for my husband’s ex-wife? How many times have I insisted that I will never again intervene on her behalf? Why then, in the name of God, am I doing it again?

I swear to God I must be glutton for punishment. This woman has done nothing but talk shit behind my back, question the extent of what my family could or could not do to her and make excuses for the way she has treated her children. She does not deserve for me to lift a single finger for her, yet I find myself doing it time and time again.

We talked to the lawyer again today to get the papers started (because she did agree to sign them) and the lawyer was pushing for us to go the aggressive route. Even though she is willing to sign the papers, the lawyer is suggesting that my husband go for full custody, taking her parental rights and putting all control over the kids in the hands of my husband. On the surface that sounds great. As a mother myself, I just can’t stomach it. I don’t know why. Maybe my family is right. Maybe I’m the sissy of the bunch. Maybe I’m too soft. I don’t know. I just can’t understand why we should do this if she is willing to cooperate.

Apparently, between what my family has on this woman and what she has published on her blog, we could prove that she is criminally negligent and we could have her parental rights terminated, awarding full custody to my husband. It’s pretty much a slam-dunk case. So, as much as I hate this woman, did I jump up and say “Yes! Let’s do it!” when it was suggested? Nope. Once again I let my emotions get the better of me.

What was my suggestion? Make the change to reflect joint custody with my husband as the primary custodial parent and have court-mandated alcohol treatment and parenting classes for his ex-wife in order for her to maintain her visitation schedule. I honestly thought it was a reasonable consideration. The looks everyone in that room gave me make me wonder if I’m retarded or something.

I don’t know. I hate the woman and I hate the things she’s done. But I’m a mother and somewhere on my father’s side, I guess, I learned that I should do unto others as I would have them do unto me. If I had issues and was sick like her, I’d want someone to help me rather than just rip my kids away from me.

This is honestly one of the few times in my life that I am as confused as hell and wondering if I’m doing the right thing. On the one hand, she is their mother. On the other hand, she needs to change. But should her kids really be taken from her completely because of that? I don’t know. I don’t think they are safe with her right now, but I think she could change if she got the help she needed. The question is, does she want to change? Does she even care?

I know you all have been reading this story as it unfolds and you probably think I am as wishy washy as any politician. I grew up around politicians. Maybe that’s why. 😉

In all honesty, I’m not wishy washy at all. I want what is best for my step-kids but this is a very complicated issue. I do not like the woman. I do not want to protect her, but I do want to protect my step-kids from any emotional pain. I think dragging their mother through the mud in court and having her ripped out of their lives in this manner would hurt them. I think my suggestion is better for them in the long run and, even if it means I’m sticking my neck out for her again, I can at least sleep at night knowing I am doing what I think is right.

In the end, the decision isn’t really mine. I have an influence, but I can only do so much. If she keeps screwing up I won’t be able to do anything about it. All I can do is state my opinion, stand my ground, ask my husband and my family to consider my wishes and pray to God that she doesn’t piss anyone off while the ground is shaky. I’ll let you know how it all plays out…

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