Happy birthday to me — but not really. Again, my husband is managing to ruin another birthday and it’s becoming a routine. Each year that I have been with him, he manages to turn into a royal jackass on my birthday. Why he does this, I have no idea. It may be a part of his condition, but I can’t say for sure. All I know is that each and every time my birthday comes around, he turns into a jackass.

Today I woke up and for God knows what reason, he starts bitching at me from the moment I wake up. He accuses me of being crabby (sorry, I think anyone would be crabby if they woke up to this bullshit) and then tells me that I’m the one who has the attitude problem. On days like this I have to ask myself why I even love him.

I know he has issues and I know that his borderline personality disorder plays a role in the way he acts, but a part of me asks myself why he can’t just control it better. He has destroyed every relationship he has ever been in because of his attitude and his mood swings. I have more patience than almost anyone I know, but even my patience has its limits and I’m starting to reach mine.

I do not want to give up on my husband and I definitely don’t want to leave my step-kids in the care of him or his ex-wife, but I don’t know what to do. All I can do is pray that things will get better. I can just take it one day at a time and hope that someday there will be better treatment for borderline personality disorder.

For those out there who deal with spouses or loved ones who have borderline personality disorder, my heart goes out to you. I know what you’re going through. Just stay grounded in the fact that you are not the problem, no matter what the BPD says. It’s hard to keep a sense of self worth when these people tell you how horrible you are, but just remember it’s the disease talking. If any of you ever need to talk to someone who is going through the same thing you are, don’t be afraid to message me. I may be able to offer some advice or, if nothing else, a shoulder to cry on.

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