Understanding More about Borderline Personality Disorder

Posted: February 11, 2011 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Rants and Raves
Tags: ,

Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone who has BPD understands just how hard it can be to manage the feelings of low self worth that arise from the constant personal attacks. Even when the relationship ends, the scars remain. I have been struggling over the past day, wondering if there is something wrong with me that would trigger a person, any person, whether they have BPD or not, to say and do the things that were done to me by this man. I have been doing a lot of reading (thank you to the reader who recommended the book to me) and a lot of self-reflection and I have come to a conclusion…

You have to be a very, very strong person to be in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. You also have to be a very strong person if that relationship ends because that is when the smear campaign begins. Yes, if you would hear this man talk you would think that I was Satan incarnate. He seems to have forgotten all of the wonderful things I have done and has visited a parallel universe where I was obviously some type of monster. He has proceeded to tell his family that HE decided to leave ME because he couldn’t deal with my bullshit anymore. And the stories he has concocted have not one single iota of truth to them.

The sad thing is, he actually believes the things he is saying. This is because of his condition, as I am learning from the book I am reading. So I can’t even get mad at him for spreading these rumors, because he doesn’t think he’s lying. It doesn’t make it any easier to accept, but it helps me keep things in perspective. Just a few examples of what he’s been saying…

Supposedly I “dragged” his kids from Utah out here to live with us when they didn’t want to (even his kids are telling him that’s not true) and then when they got here I “brainwashed” them into thinking that him and his children have emotional issues. Read through the blog. You’ll see why these kids have emotional issues. I didn’t brainwash anyone into thinking anything. But I guess, for him, it’s easier to ignore problems and run away from them and blame them on someone else than to deal with the truth.

Supposedly I isolated him from his family. No, his family got fed up with his shit and stopped talking to him on their own. It had nothing to do with me. But of course, that’s not how he sees it, because he cannot be held responsible for any of his own actions.

Supposedly I physically and verbally abused this man (who, in reality, beat the shit out of me and ended up in jail for it last year). But somehow, that night was all my fault and he is an innocent victim who does nothing wrong. Did I ever hit him? Yes. I did, but only on two occasions in two years. Once was in self defense. Once was just the other day when I was finally so fed up with the emotional abuse that I just snapped. It wasn’t right. I was wrong. There was no excuse for my behavior, but I had finally gotten fed up with being called worthless, pathetic and every other name in the book. So yes, I snapped and punched him in the face. He hit the floor, but he did NOT pass out like he is telling everyone. I did NOT pull a weapon on him and threaten to kill him. Yet, that is the story he is telling everyone else.

I did NOT put a “hit” out on his sister or his ex-wife. This one just makes me giggle. He has everyone thinking I am this cold-hearted monster who will just order the death of anyone who pisses me off. Whatever. I am not that person and, no, I did not order a “hit” on anyone. Idiots.

And that’s just the beginning of the smear campaign I have had to deal with.

I guess my point is, if any of you are dealing with this type of thing, it’ll be okay. Just keep it all in perspective. The person who is saying these things about you honestly believes the lies they are telling. It’s not because you did anything wrong. Don’t hate the person for the lies they are telling. If anything, understand how hard it must be to live with a condition that makes you view reality in such a way. Like I’ve said before, I can honestly say I admire each and every individual who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and recognizes the fact that they need to address their issues and doesn’t hide from them or blame their problems on anyone else. These people are amazing individuals who should be recognized for their struggles and accomplishments. And for all of the people who are in relationships with these individuals and are understanding and compassionate, I admire you as well. BPD isn’t an easy thing to live with, even when the person who has it is willing to recognize it and get help.

For those of you who are in relationships with someone who has BPD and isn’t willing to change, I don’t know how you do it. You are stronger than me.

Comments
  1. Maggie says:

    Sounds like classic BPD to me, the way your husband is behaving… but then again, as I’ve said before, he needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions. There’s no reason to go around spreading lies, even if he truly believes them. I wish you luck in the coming weeks and months as things unfold… I am sure you will need it. 😦

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