Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Posted: February 16, 2011 in Custody Advice, Rants and Raves

Okay, my readers know how I have felt about the ex-wife of the person that I was with when I was writing all of those posts. I have no problem ranting about how I feel at times, but I will also admit when I am wrong.

I have judged this woman harshly, partially based on things I was told by my at-the-time husband about the things this woman had done. I was also judging her based on things my step-children told me. I have discovered that many of the things I was told were lies. No, she is not the perfect mother. Yes, she has made quite a few mistakes. I admire her for admitting to that and being willing to look at things with an open mind and address any issues she may have.

I guess what I’m saying is, while I may not agree with some of her parenting choices, she is not Satan incarnate like I was lead to believe. I’m sure I’m not the perfect parent. I’m sure I’ve done things in life that people wouldn’t approve of. So do I like this woman? Well, I wouldn’t be best friends with her or anything, but I don’t hate her like I did and I feel guilty about the assumptions I made. In fact, I can relate to some of the things she has gone through and see how things have been twisted to be used against her.

I did apologize to her for believing all of the things I was told. I could have left it at that, but I felt obligated to let you, my readers, know that while everything I posted in my blog was true about her, the way I interpreted some of the things she has done was not entirely accurate due to the false information I was given. No, I don’t approve of going out to bars while your kids are home alone, but she realizes this was wrong and is willing to change it. Everyone makes mistakes. This woman will be in my prayers. I hope she finds the strength to be a better parent and can stay away from alcohol. I think, deep down inside, she really is a decent human being who has just made some bad choices in life. I think she has paid for those bad choices and was able to learn from them. In the end, isn’t that all we can do? Learn from the mistakes we make and grow as a result of making them?

  1. Jessica says:

    I found your blog on a google search. I want to applaud you for this. I have been in a similar situation in which I am the mother and my ex and his wife had been trying to prove me as an unfit parent with alot of false allegations. I had a feeling that my ex had poisoned her and all of that family against me: I was right. The interesting thing is that now my ex and his wife are undergoing a divorce and he is doing the same thing to her that he was doing to me! I have reached out to her and am helping her with the wealth of information I have collected over the years on how to protect yourself. I am a good mother. She is a good mother. She was a good stepmother to my daughter, as well, despite being caught up in the middle of everything. I hope that she will continue to be a part of my daughter’s life as my daughter has gotten very close to her.

    Thanks again!

  2. sarah says:

    I also found your blog by a google search and i was wanting to put on here that not all ex’s are bad but there is a few that i wish could just be kicked in the head so to speak. Well let me tell you my story my husband and I was married on June 23rd 2012 and a week before our wedding his bitch of an ex got an OP against him saying that he beat his son who is 10 and we had to go to court to get them in the wedding that we had planned for the last year. Let me give you a better picture of our lives my husband has had custody of his 4 children since the divorce in 2005. the youngest was 3 months old at the time and she left them with him cause she likes drugs and sex more than her kids. No the youngest is 9 and the oldest is 20. he took her back to court a year ago for more child support because for the past 9 years she only paid $100 a month. she got mad and filed false claims so that we would have to pay her now.. The two younger kids are who we are fighting for and his daughter cries her to sleep every night so that she can come home. She dropped the OP for temp custody while we go through a battle and the one that is hurting the most is her kids and she just see’s money is all she can see. It is bs and I am so tired of playing by her rules when the dont even have beds to sleep on at her house and she doesn’t want them at all

  3. vmherrera1 says:

    Hi, I was hoping for a little advice, as it seems you have been through it all! I’m also a stepmom, my husband and I take care of his 4yr old atleast 75% of the time. She gets child support, on top of that we buy his clothes and needs. The problem is she has full custody of him because a few years ago my husband was unable to show for court. So he’s paying for it. We want to take her to court to because not only is she taking advantage of us, she also threatens me and calls or texts my phone with nasty hateful things, why??? don’t know but I ignore her, it pisses her off more. I also save all the text s and voicemail messages. Can these be used in court? Also can text messeages be used to prove the time we’ve had him if its stated in the text?

    • vmherrera1 says:

      Oops when I meant *she, I meant my step-son’s mother.

    • princessjd says:


      I think what you can and can’t use as evidence depends on what state you live in. In Wisconsin I know for a fact you can use both emails and text messages as evidence. My advice is to call a lawyer and ask. I know a lot of people are leery about calling lawyers as many of them won’t talk to you without charging, but there are a lot of good ones out there who will give you some advice over the phone and if you do end up using their services, they will provide you with a payment plan. I don’t know where you live, but I know of many great lawyers in the Kenosha, WI area. If you have the child most of the time, then you should not be paying child support. In Wisconsin, child support can be reviewed every 2 years. You’ll have to check on the statutes in your state. Let me know if you have any other questions or if there is anything I can help you with. I wish you the best!

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