Accepting Blame and Letting Go

Posted: March 5, 2011 in Breakups and Heartbreak
Tags: , , , ,

In my last post I promised that I would keep everyone updated on the progress of my breakup and that, in doing so, I may hopefully help others who are going or will be going through the same thing. I haven’t posted in a couple of days. Why? Part of it was because I had my head buried under my pillow. The other reason is due to the fact that I have been spending a lot of time coming to terms with who I am as a person and why things happened the way they did.

The fact of the matter is, that as emotionally abusive as my ex was, he would never accept responsibility for his behaviors nor did he see anything wrong with them. I kept thinking that if I could make him see what he was doing, he would change. I didn’t want him to change because I wanted him back. I just wanted to recognize the damage he had done. I just wanted him to admit that he was at fault for the things he had done to me. I have had to come to terms with the fact that this is never going to happen.

I have learned over the past few days that as awful as a person may be, they might just not really give a damn about what they do to others. It’s all about them. They will be more than content to go from relationship to relationship, leaving a wake of broken hearts in their path, and they really don’t care. Maybe it’s not because they are actually evil. Maybe it’s because they don’t know any other way to live. Whatever the reason, it leaves those of us who take love seriously in a complete state of despair when the relationship is over.

If you are going through a breakup, let me tell you something. It IS okay to grieve. Grieve for the stolen dreams. Cry over the broken promises. Those people who tell you to snap out of it because you are better off don’t really understand. It’s impossible to understand unless you’ve been through it. It hurts. It sucks. But it’s life. Surround yourself with people who understand this. It will help the healing process.

Find your inner strength. Cry. Stay in bed for a day or two. The world will still be there when you come out of your cocoon. Then, when you are ready, remember an interest that you had before this roller coaster of a romance began and start living your life again.

Listen, I’m not a therapist. I can only tell you what I’m going through and what I’m doing to survive this. Hopefully you can learn from it and get past this nightmare.

So if I may, let me give you an assignment of some sorts. When you are ready, and ONLY when you are ready, remember something you loved to do before this person came along and turned your life upside down. Whether it’s shopping, horseback riding, reading or jogging, just do it. You might cry while you’re doing it (I looked like a complete idiot in the Juicy Couture outlet breaking down into a sobbing heap) but you’d be surprised at how much it can help and how much more quickly you will heal. You might even find new friends. Turns out, the sales girl at the store experienced the same thing I am going through and we had a good cry together.

Remember, life will go on. Don’t give up and PLEASE don’t think it’s worth dying over. I did. I almost ended it. I was very close to leaving this world behind. Today, I can say I’m glad I didn’t. It’s NOT worth it. Live your life. Learn from your pain and become a better person because of it. There are millions of us who have been through this and millions more will walk our path. We WILL prevail and you WILL be okay. We will all be okay.

  1. milesfromyou says:

    Thank you for these words.

  2. briannesue says:

    Excellent advice. Good luck to you on your recovery. I agree: it’s important to grieve. Not grieving, as some people wanted me to do, only made things worse.

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