Hey everyone. I know, I’ve been lax in blogging. As my readers know, I’ve been going through quite a bit. A lot of self reflection, a lot of prayer and a lot of figuring out what the hell has been going on for the past two and a half years. It’s been an interesting journey so far, but it is far from over.

Some of you will be happy to hear the next bit of news. Some of you are going to want to beat me upside the head. The BPD in my life? He is moving back in on the 29th. The reasons are complicated. What is important is how this journey I have been on over the past month has impacted my life and my sense of self.

If I was not emotionally ready to handle this, I wouldn’t be doing it. As I’ve said before, you better have a damn good sense of your self and your self worth before you let anyone with BPD into your life — and even if you have that you’re going to be in for a struggle.

I am not going to discuss the reasons for this life change in this post. Those reasons will, for now, stay between me and the people I love. I will, however, discuss what I have learned over the past month so those who are going through heartbreak or are in a relationship with a person who is suffering from BPD can hopefully benefit from my pain and experiences.

So what is it that I want my readers to know (if they don’t know it already)?

1. You can’t fix anyone. It’s not your job. If someone in your life has BPD, they have to want to change. You can either accept them as they are or you can move on — because even if they want to change, it doesn’t mean they’re going to. That doesn’t mean that you can’t try to help them. It just means that you can’t revolve your life around improving their behaviors.

2. You have to separate the condition from the person. If you can not love the person in your life who has BPD with all of their flaws, you can not truly love them at all. That is a decision that only you can make.

3. You have to know who you are and what you want. If you live with someone with BPD, they ARE going to abuse you emotionally on occasion. You have to understand this and be ready for it. In order to endure it without any scars, you have to have a solid sense of who you are and what you want from life. You cannot intertwine your existence with this person. You have to be your own self, and you have to be ready to expect the worst. It sounds bad, but it’s the only way to protect your emotional health.

4. When this person is putting you on a pedestal and praising you as though you were a goddess (or god), take it with a grain of salt. Tomorrow they may think you’re a demon. Do not live for the praise. Live for yourself. Live for your own praise and own accomplishments. Do not ever base your sense of self on this person’s perception of you, because that perception can change like the wind.

5. Do not cling to the BPD in your life. Do not feel as though you cannot live without this person, because you most definitely can. Have them in your life by choice, for whatever reasons you may want them there. I hate to say distance yourself, but be very careful with your emotions or you may end up being hurt.

This probably sounds like negative advice. It’s not meant to be. I am not saying that all of those who suffer with BPD are evil and all relationships with them are bad, because they’re not. I’m just telling you what I’ve learned from my experiences. Trust me, I’ll have more advice to come. This is going to be an interesting ride, once again. The difference this time? I’m going to remain in complete control. My life is my own, and yours is your own. Never lose yourself in the emotional roller coaster of a BPD relationship. You have to love yourself, be there for yourself and take care of yourself or you will never be able to truly be whole.

Again, for those of you who are wondering why I am doing this, the reasons are complicated. I am, however, going to assure those of you who may be worried that I will be fine. I know who I am, what I want and where I am going. For those of you who don’t, I hope I can help you find that.

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