I Might Just Hunt Them Down and Kill Them…

Posted: August 6, 2011 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Rants and Raves
Tags: , , , ,

Yeah, I know… Strong post. But if I knew who was responsible for making this world so damn frustrating most of the time I would seriously do us all a favor and perform a little hit magic. Unfortunately, I think it’s more a matter of society changing than any one person being to blame.

I know I sound negative lately, but it’s just so damn hard not to. Why? Well, dealing with my BPD “husband” is one of the issues that has me stressed out. I have to admit that his medications have been helping him a lot, but I’ve noticed that I’ve got quite a bit of resentment built up and it’s doing neither of us any good. All he has to do is say good morning and I feel like nails are scratching on a chalk board. I sit there wondering when his personality is going to flip and why he thinks that any sane person can possibly keep up with his changing moods, concepts, values, etc. It’s sad when you live in a house with a person and you avoid even looking at them because if you do, he might “confabulate” that you’ve given him a dirty look and spend the next 24 hours making your life a living hell.

I am also contending with school being out so the kids are here full time. Not just my kids, but his son as well. His son who is also displaying behaviors of BPD. Of course, who knows if the kid really has BPD or if he has just learned the behaviors by watching his father. We took him for a psych evaluation to help figure that one out. I’m hoping they can get us some advice. In the meantime, he’s been making my kids’ lives quite miserable and he spends most of the day antagonizing my children or tattling on them for things they haven’t done. Which of course leaves me putting out fires all day instead of doing the things I need to get done.

Then when Mr. BPD gets home at 11 at night (he works 2nd shift) he makes me play a video game with him. Seriously. I am tired as shit and all I want to do is fall asleep watching TV and he insists that I play a video game online with him. Because he pays the bills you know, so I have to do what I’m told. Why the hell do I do this to myself? I’m seriously suffering from sleep deprivation.

Anyway, since I’m in a bad mood almost 24/7 lately anyway, I have noticed the negative things that I normally overlook. Like the fact customer service sucks lately no matter what store you are at. Macy’s, I am very disappointed in you. I’m also pissed off that there are about a million parents out there who don’t seem to give a damn where their kids are or what they are doing. How do I know? Because I see them all over my town. Let me tell you, if my teenage son acted like these kids that I see I’d seriously kick his ass. Social services could bitch all they want, they don’t have to live with him. Thank God my kids are respectful.

And now that I’ve gone on and ranted I realize that I sound like the crazy one. And maybe I am. Maybe living with someone who has such a serious case of BPD and bi-polar can actually make you crazy yourself.

I can honestly say that if it wasn’t for my close friends (one of which is someone who I’d like to mention here but can’t) I would just jump off the nearest bridge.

Now Mr. BPD wants to go to Great America tomorrow with me and just his son because my kids will be with their dad. Is he insane? It’s going to be like 85 degrees and I don’t do well in the sun. It makes me physically ill to be in the heat and sun too long and he knows this. Plus I’m not going to Great America without my kids and I’m not making their dad buy another ticket to go with us (which he did last time). So let’s get ready for World War III because it’s coming to my house the moment I say one simple word — No.

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