Oh what a beautiful morning — not. Listen, I know I use my blog as a venting tool, but I also use it to help others who are also in relationships with people who have BPD. When you are in these relationships, it is all to easy to lose a sense of yourself. It is all too easy to start becoming the person the BPD in your life claims you to be. So, in short, these ranting sessions that I have are not just for my benefit. Because most every person who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD can read these posts and go “Hey, it’s really NOT me.”

So this morning, I wake up (like I do every morning, wishing I hadn’t). I grab my iPhone to check my email because I slept later than I had intended to. Mr. BPD is either fully awake or half awake because he immediately demands to know who I am texting. I tell him I am not texting. He says, “You’re lying like you always do. I see the phone in your hand.” So I tell him again that I am not texting. That I am just checking my email. Then he proceeds to tell me that I lied “by technicality” because email is the same as texting. Okay, whatever.

So began his morning tirade. I looked him square in the eye and told him, “I think we are going to need therapy together if we plan to keep on living in the same house.” He tells me that’s fine. That he knows for a fact that I am 90 percent of the problem and that if a therapist tells him otherwise, he’ll know the therapist was paid off.

Now don’t get me wrong. Mr. BPD is actually in therapy and getting psychiatric help. I just wanted to go to an impartial therapist together so that things would be more peaceful around here. Apparently, I’m 90 percent to blame for everything so what the hell ever.

It is days like today that I would love to just drop the whole eggshell routine, let him have his tirade and then just kick the crap out of him. I would love to scream in his face “I know that you know exactly what you are doing you manipulative little shit!” But that’s not who I need to be right now, so I let it slide. I try to be understanding. It’s so hard with BPD. They act like jackasses, so we assume they are, but they really aren’t. It’s an illness. However, there’s a fine line between not being able to control yourself and using your diagnosis as a reason to act like an asshat. Mr. BPD needs to see that people see through it when he does that.

Comments
  1. Maggie says:

    Has his therapy actually helped him? Sounds to me like he still has a long way to go, but I could be wrong. Hang in there!

  2. princessjd says:

    Hi Maggie 🙂 Long time no see. Actually, yes, his treatment has helped. Believe it or not, things used to be much, much worse. I just tried to ignore it. Not the brightest plan, I know. However, he does still have a long way to go. The psychiatrist is still trying different meds and hopefully with more and more therapy and treatment things will continue to look up. Thanks for the encouraging words!

  3. thegreengrasshorse says:

    Agreed. Although, the reasons for tolerating such behavior is beyond me.

  4. Eva babe says:

    My brother has been dignosed with BPD and I knew it too. We have a mother with NPD and Father has Schizophrenia (he is one of the most loving, kind and generous people you will ever meet), I married a man who I am 99% sure is a high functioning BPD, I have let it get to the point where I have gotten so sick of his behaviour and him telling everyone it is me that I decided to give it back…he then proceeded to tell me he is leaving as he doesnt deserve to be treated this way!!!!! frigging unbelieveable – hypocrite. He is right about one thing though, for all of the things he has done and said and for all of the times he has hurt the ones who love him most, he doesnt deserve that treatment – nobody does…not him, not me, nobody. I just wish he had the capacity to see that.

    He has left so many times and he has been caught seeing other women on the “breaks”, though he denies it all the way…he has rewritten his version of events in his head and that is it, as far as he is concearned…happens all the time…I am so sick of it.

    Husband is caring and loving a lot of the time but when he loses it he really loses it – yelling, holes in walls, broken household items. I know it is an illness but the scars we carry as partners never really go away…everytime we go through an episode I feel a little more of me die. I realised recently that his nasty comments are designed to make me feel as bad as he is feeling inside his BPD but between him, my brother and parents, I am not as resilient and understanding as I used to be…
    The children and I are important too, we are sick of the double standard behaviours and I am angry. I love my husband but I often wonder what it would be like without the heart wrenching, the tip toeing and the tantrums…

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