Why Can’t He Just Shut the Fuck Up?

Posted: February 1, 2012 in Misc

Well, today I had an episode with my 16 year old son, who thinks it is perfectly acceptable to mouth off at times and doesn’t understand that an iPhone and a PS3 are a privilege. So I took away his PS3 and his iPhone and he proceeded to throw a temper tantrum like a five year old, which resulted in me calling a 24-hour intake desk for a psychiatric screening tomorrow.

This child literally had a toddler-like tantrum over the fact that I would not buy him a new video game today (because the 20 or so that he already has must not be enough) and that I am not buying him a car due to recent behavioral issues. The crisis center, which I called out of desperation, told me the problem is that he is spoiled and overindulged. So enlightening. They also gave me a number for the intake people who are doing the screening so it wasn’t a complete waste of time.

My biggest mistake today was in telling Mr. BPD that I had made this appointment for my son. He proceeded to tell me what a horrible person I was for not getting my son a shrink sooner (never mind the fact my son didn’t need a shrink until this asshat moved in with us). He then proceeded to tell me that if I didn’t follow through with this screening there “would be hell to pay”. I was told that I never do what I am supposed to do and that I need to learn to “listen to him better”. It went on for about five minutes — him telling me how horrible and stupid I am.

Excuse me?

First of all, he was at work when everything went down so how does it affect him exactly? And why should he even give a shit? He wasn’t here, this isn’t his son and none of it had anything to do with him in the least.

Secondly, if he was a normal spouse wouldn’t be try to be consoling and supportive instead of being a dick? I guess that’s not how things work in his world. In his world, being a dick is the answer to any crisis.

So in addition to dealing with a teenager’s crap today, I had to deal with crap from a teenager in a grown man’s body.

THIS is exactly why I am leaving him as soon as I can. This is how it always is with him. I face a crisis and somehow it turns into being about him. No matter what it is. When my grandmother was in the hospital and I was upset, it became about him. When my younger son was having trouble in school and I decided to homeschool him, it became about Mr. BPD. Whenever something goes wrong and I am under stress, he lashes out at me and makes the situation worse.

I hate him at times like this. I really, really hate him. I would cry, but there are seriously no tears left. Just a cold empty sadness that seems to linger in everything I do. But enough of the pity party.

Good news is that I reconnected with an old friend from school who I’ve known since 4th grade and he doesn’t seem to mind that I dump all of my life’s shit onto his plate to vent. He was in a similar situation once, so I think he can relate.

It’s surprising just how many people can relate to what I’m going through. I know a lot of my readers are in relationships with BPD people, some good some bad.

Don’t think I assume that everyone with BPD is like this, because I don’t. I’m just telling you right now — if you’re in a relationship with a highly-functioning BPD they will promise the earth, moon, sun and stars. They will say they will change. They will admit it is all their fault. And then they won’t change and things will go back to being your fault. Get out. For God’s sake DON’T have kids with the person. Mr. BPD’s sweet ex-wife deals with hell for that. You have no idea. Just get the hell out of there with your sanity and self-esteem intact.

You know that song by Five Death Punch that goes “I’d rather hate you for everything you are than ever love you for something you are not”? Well, that’s what it’s like once you realize someone you were in love with has BPD. You aren’t in love with the person — you are in love with who you thought they were. Eventually you WILL hate them for everything they are.

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