No One Can Save You

Posted: May 26, 2013 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Breakups and Heartbreak, Rants and Raves

If you’re in a relationship with someone with BPD, there’s something you need to realize. No one can save you from the hell your life has become. No one but you anyway. And how you choose to do that is up to you. For some it means breaking free from the relationship. For others it means closing the door on a life that has spiraled out of control. My heart goes out to anyone who is in such a situation.

Many people will ask you, “Why don’t you just leave?” Many of us know the answer isn’t always that simple. Some of us are bound financially. Others are bound by other issues. Whatever binds us is what creates the prison that prevents us from leaving, even though we know that leaving is the only thing that will save us. To an outsider it seems simple. Just walk away. To those of us who live the reality of this hell, the answer is never as simple as that. Our lives become a web that is impossible to get out of.

My point here is that when many of us realize this, we begin looking for someone to save us. We begin to count on a person to be a knight in shining armor. Maybe it’s an ex. Maybe it’s an old friend. Maybe it’s someone who is new to your life. Maybe it’s someone you have loved your whole life. Whoever it is, don’t do it. Don’t fall victim to false hope. I’m going to save you a lot of heartbreak and maybe even your life right now. Because I am going to tell you the cold hard truth before you have to learn the lesson the hard way.

If you’re in this tangled living hell of a web, no one can save you. You either find a way out of it yourself or you don’t get out at all. No one is going to come to your rescue. The only thing that others can offer you is false hope. The only person who will ever truly be there for you is you. It’s an ugly truth, but it’s a truth nonetheless.

I don’t mean to sound so harsh. But every word I type is true. If you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD you are going to lose yourself, if you haven’t done so already. You will want to get out, but there may be no way for you to escape. It’s best to leave before you become this entangled because once you do, you’ll find yourself in a hole that you have no way of getting out of.

Perhaps this won’t be the case for you. Perhaps the person you are with will actually want to change and will actually do so. If this is what you are counting on, please be realistic and realize that the chances of a person with BPD changing are slim. If you’re counting on someone else to save you, don’t. You are the only one who can save yourself, and perhaps not even you can do that. The moral of the story is this…

If you’re already in a relationship with someone who has BPD and you’ve found yourself in this web I speak of, my heart goes out to you. If you are in a new relationship with someone who has the condition and you are not yet entangled, get out now. Run as though your life depends on it, because it may. And don’t count on anyone else to save you. Because in the end that person too will let you down. It’s the nature of the web we weave when we enter into the world of a BPD relationship.

  1. Michele says:

    Amen sista!!

  2. I don’t typically reply to other people’s blogs…..but as someone who was recently diagnosed with BPD……well….you ptetty much just made me want to slit my wrists. Thank you for understanding that mental disorders are REAL….and as hard as it is for you to “deal” with this “web” you’ve been caught in…..think about how hard it is for the person you are trying to get away from. Chances are if you know they are BPD and have been diagnosed….then they are even more acutely aware of it than you are. I wish you an open and compassionate heart.

    • princessjd says:

      Allison, there are exceptions to every rule. You may be aware of your condition and want help for it. The sad fact is, and it is a fact, the majority of people diagnosed do not want help unless it in some way furthers their selfish goals. I am not saying this describes you. I am saying it is true of many highly-functioning BPD individuals who use the “help” they get to manipulate those around them. I will not judge you because I do not know you. But until you’ve met some of the people who have this condition and use it as an excuse to abuse others, don’t judge me either. You have to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you have any right to judge their actions. Bottom line, this is my blog. My experiences. My thoughts. My heartache. My feelings. My pages. If you don’t like what I have to say, simply move to another page. It’s that simple.

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