And It Starts Again

Posted: June 9, 2013 in Misc

I told my readers I would update them about Mr. BPD’s epiphany. Well, one of my readers was right. It’s temporary. Just today he attacked me, and this attack was calculated and deliberate and more manipulative than ever. For those of you who are holding out hope for their BPD partners, I’m sorry. I don’t think there is any. Either learn to deal with the bullshit or get out. Things probably won’t change on their part. At least not for any real period of time.

  1. Michele says:

    I’m sorry!! We hang onto hope, that someday they will see our value But their pain and defenses are so engrained in them that change is almost too painful to bare. All therapy does is give them more ammunition to throw at you and project their ish onto you. it’s a never ending rollercoaster, and detaching is so painful because underneath their defenses is a wounded person wanting so very badly to be loved (that is why we stay or get back on the ride) I’m slowly learning that no matter what I say it will be used against me at some point so it’s best to say nothing at all. I pray for you, for your family. You are deserving of mutual intamcy and respect, unfortunately you won’t get that where your at. Stay strong and true to your own reality!!!
    Your friend,

  2. T - says:

    I stumbled upon your blog, and read every post. The insanity of it all can only be understood by one who has lived with someone with BPD. In my case a 24 year relationship! It only gets worse over time. The song Unlovable by Darren Hayes sums it all up.

    BPD people are takers, and whatever you give, it will never, ever be enough. IMO, what they really desire is your sanity and they will stop at nothing to get it. So what, they are mentally ill. Who cares? Does society empathize with the pedophile? They too are mentally ill. Therapists encourage us to see them separate from the illness, but in the end, they are their illness.

    My advice to anyone trying to have any sort of relationship with a person with BPD is to get the hell out and don’t look back. We weren’t born to give up our God-given potential and die a martyr for people who could not care less about us.

    I’m seven mos. into my separation, and it is still very hard. What I loved never really existed . . . yet I mourn and desperately want it / need it. I hate him and love him at the same time. I am learning to love myself enough to not settle for a relationship that is not based on mutual respect.

    The havoc BPD’s cause is indescribable. If it were not for our three children, I would pick up and move far, far, away from him and never look back. It took me three years in therapy to accept that things will never change . . . and sometimes I still doubt.

    Take care, and by all means, please keep us posted.

    T –

    • princessjd says:

      It’s good for all of us to know we are not alone. No one but those who are in or have been in this type of relationship truly understand the nature of it. It’s a roller coaster of hell and highs and there are never any in-betweens. Those who hold on do so for those highs but fail to realize they will be further and further in between until they completely lose themselves and become a shell of who they used to be. I felt it happening to me. I’m still with him, but have separated myself emotionally. I know who I am and where I want to be. It’s just going to take me some time to get there.

  3. michele says:

    After a controlling marriage, a divorce for “punishment”, a year of absolute confusion, begging for answers, he came back. Empty promises, crazy making behavior and the lies, good lord the lies. Yet I love him. I had my final discard, even thou I stopped the roller coaster, yet somehow am to blame still, for his lies, his games. I am the monster and he is the victim. He told me that my love hurts him (because I demanded respect, honesty and held him accountable).. yet my heart bleeds for him and he is skipping off into the sunset in search for someone new “who is better for him and will love and accept him”. Not a single day goes by I dont think of him, he has forever changed me. It takes every fiber in my being to not reach out to him. This was my final discard, he has tarnished my name, he ignores me. When do the feelings stop???

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