What Makes an Unfit Parent?

Anyone who has read my blog knows that I now agree that my step-kids’ biological mother is an unfit parent. What made me come to this realization? On what facts am I basing this logic?

There is a lot of debate as to what makes a parent an unfit parent and, obviously, this woman does not think of herself as unfit. However, after much debate and research, I have found that she is indeed unfit. For those out there who are wondering if they may be dealing with ex-spouse’s who are unfit parents, I can provide you with some general guidance.

Whether or not your ex-spouse is an unfit parent actually depends on what state you live in and what behaviors your ex-spouse is displaying. Some states are more forgiving than others. It sucks, but it’s a fact. With that being said, a mother or father is usually legally defined as an unfit parent if they have been abusive, neglectful or have failed to provide proper care for their children.

Surprisingly, a parent with a mental disturbance or an addiction to drugs or alcohol may be considered unfit by the state. This means your kids can be taken from you if you have an alcohol or drug addiction. Dig a little deeper and you’ll find that being treated for a mental condition doesn’t make you unfit, but if you do things like drink alcohol while you are taking medications for a mental disturbance, that action does make you unfit — which is exactly what my husband’s ex-wife does.

A parent is also an unfit parent if they fail to provide proper parental care and protection (like leaving your kids home alone till three in the morning because your friend got so drunk that they needed to go to the ER and you decided to stay at the hospital with that friend rather than going home and taking care of your kids). You can spend all day every day at home with your kids, but if your face is glued to your computer and you don’t provide your children with the attention and care they need you are still neglecting them.

As a mother, I can say that most parents do everything they can for their children. There are, however, unfit parents out there who do not deserve to be around the wonderful children they have created. If an unfit parent wants help, that’s one thing. When they flat-out refuse to acknowledge their issues and do not care how their actions affect their children, it’s something else entirely.

Again, I’m not a lawyer, but this is the information I’ve gotten through my recent experiences. If you are dealing with a spouse who is an unfit parent and you wonder if taking the kids from this person is the right thing to do, please reflect on these facts…

I was worried about taking the kids from my husband’s ex at one time, thinking it would not be in their best interests. After talking to lawyers, social workers, psychiatrists and other professionals, I have discovered that leaving them in her care would have done much more harm than good. When children are exposed to certain behaviors, it affects their emotional development and behaviors. My step-son is now suffering from the things his mother has done and my step-daughter is showing symptoms of depression. Do not let your children suffer because of an unfit parent’s actions. While an ugly custody battle may do some short-term damage, the long-term damage of being exposed to unfit behaviors would be much, much worse.

I Wish I Had a Magic Wand

I wish I had a magic wand that could make all of the problems disappear. I really do. As much as I do not like my husband’s ex-wife, I wouldn’t wish her situation on anyone.

We talked to our lawyer today. If she is not willing to negotiate custody we are going to have to take her to court and bring up the neglect issue, and that is going to cause problems for her with her toddler from her second marriage. The lawyer told me that social services will likely get involved, and I really don’t like the idea of that.

The problem is, the kids don’t want to live with her anymore. My step-daughter does not like being treated like a live-in maid and nanny. She doesn’t like the fact that her mother runs to the bars twice a week like clockwork and she REALLY is pissed off about the night she was left home alone till three in the morning. I don’t blame her. It’s wrong and it is illegal. We have been informed of that. However, I don’t think her mother is going to renegotiate custody without a court battle, and that is going to get ugly. Her alcohol problem will be brought up and the fact that her toddler was left alone with my step-son and step-daughter till three in the morning due to her unfit lifestyle will be brought up, which means her ability to care for her toddler will be put into question. I don’t want to see that happen. Not because I think she is a fit parent (after what I have heard, she isn’t) but because I don’t think her husband should suffer for her actions.

It’s an ugly situation. I pray that she will see what is best for the kids is being out here. I pray that we won’t have to do this to her. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening.